Diana Underwood Weekly Updates

September 27, 2011

2011-09-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

Hi All ~

It's not often that I ask you to do something for me... but I am asking something of you today.

Please take 33 minutes out of your busy schedule and watch this documentary called 180.

There may be some moments during the movie that may be difficult for you to watch, but I would encourage you to watch it through to the end.

The movie does contain graphic images ~ Viewer discretion is advised.

http://www.180movie.com/

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September 23, 2011

2011-09-23T13:18:00.001-07:00

Before reading this I ask that you understand the following... my purpose for writing this blog is not to look for pity or handouts.

The primary purpose of this blog is to give praise and glory to my Lord and Savior for His continued love and provisions as I travel the road He's leading me on.

This entry will be short and to the point... I don't know if I am doing this for me or for those of you that I will eventually be seeing face to face.

There have been some changes to my face in the recent days (specifically my smile). And now, to get a glimpse of my new smile...

It's not often that something will bring me to tears, but to be honest with you this has been extremely difficult for me.

I'm trying to figure out why this has caused so many emotions to rush to the surface.

I've been through so much worse in the past... when I lost my job, had to sell my home, my car, and the majority of my belongings. Again when I had to start wearing diapers, when I could no longer color my hair and had to let it go gray, when the doctor said that because of my spinal cord injuries I could no longer drive, and the list goes on.

None of those others things caused me to feel the great sense of loss and sadness that I have felt with loosing these teeth.

I've worked through the emotions of sadness, loss, anger, and frustration. Now I'm working on the embarrasment of facing others. It's not so bad when I come face to face with those of you that I know, those of you who I see on a weekly, if not daily basis. You have been around to see my physical body (and my mind) slowly 'fall apart', it's not such a shock to you.

The embarrassment is when I come face to face with someone that I don't know or someone that I haven't seen in a long time. I can hear some of you now, "Don't worry about what others think." I wish that my thought process worked that way, but it doesn't.

I've not quite figured out all that God wants me to learn through this, but this is what I've learned so far...

Am I prideful when it comes to my looks?

I didn't think I was, but if that is the case, I'm certainly aware of it now.

Did I judge others who were missing teeth?

Most definitely, but I thought that I had a reason for doing so. My thinking was that most often when people have teeth that are missing it is a consequences of their lifestyle. (If you don't know what I am talking about, many addicts will loose their teeth because of the drugs and alcohol they consume). I figured that's what happens when you live the life you are choosing to live.

In case you are wondering, I will no longer be judging anyone by their appearance. From now on when I see someone that doesn't seem to have it all together I will stop to consider that I have no idea what they have been through or where they have been.

Instead, I will look at them through the eyes of my Heavenly Father, I will take the time to see their heart and their hurts.

A few days ago I had a conversation with someone who is very near and dear to me. He reminded me that my teeth are breaking off due to a consequence of something, and that they didn't break off 'just because'. That something is that I have a paralyzed stomach... a symptom of this is vomiting on a regular basis.

This vomiting is destroying my teeth and that is exactly why they are breaking off... does it make it any easier for me? NO! My emotions still twirl around in my mind as I try to come to terms with this and why it is that God would allow this to happen.

In all reality it has nothing to do with what God is allowing or not allowing. The truth is that this world we live in is not perfect. Having Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life doesn't mean that my life (or the life of anyone else) will be without heartache or pain...

What I do know is that God has already and will continue to use this to teach me and maybe others... I know that I've already begun to learn from this (as I mentioned earlier). If God uses this to show you something then please let me know, it truly would be an encouragement to me.

In all of this there is something to give God praise and glory for... even though my teeth are breaking off, I'm not in any pain. For that alone, I thank my Lord and Savior!

September 8, 2011

2011-08-09T22:15:00.001-07:00

I was running my fingers through my hair a few weeks ago and a couple of hairs fell out. I was reminded at that moment how much God cares for me, not because of the few hairs that fell out, but because He knows the exact number of hairs that remain.

Matthew 10:30

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

It's been a very interesting few weeks, but God has been with me every step of the way. This is just a little peak into the way things have unfolded and the miracles that have taken place this past month.

As you read on there is something that you should know... I do receive Social Security Disability payments each month in the amount of $1,400. However, most of that money is eaten up in the monthly costs of medication and medical costs. This leaves little or no money for rent, food, or utilities.

***

As I wrote last, I was $800 short in my rent for July and $900 short with the amount due for rent in August.

eBay seemed to explode with sales shortly after I wrote that and with my Lord's help I was able to come up with an additional $260. This made the amount that I am in dept to my landlord a total of $1,440.

During this time I had been praying that God would begin to soften my landlords heart so that he would be willing to work with me.

The miracle...

The landlord gladly excepted what I had and didn't give me an eviction notice.

***

I had also made mention that my electricity was due to be shut off on August 2nd (it was actually scheduled to be shut off the next day, August 3rd). What I didn't tell you was that the amount owed for those 6 months that I was past due was over $1,000.

Jennie drove me over to the Department of Water and Power... But before walking in I paused and asked the Lord to go in before me (to do what, I didn't know). At this point, on August 2nd, I didn't have any money to take in with me, the total amount in my purse was $0.00. My checking account was overdrawn and there wasn't a penny to be found anywhere in the house (even in the couch cushions).

The miracle...

I walked through the door and got up to the window... she pulled up my account and asked how I would like to pay. I told her that I didn't have any money, "Then your water and power will be shut off tomorrow" she said. I asked her to please give me one more week, "I can't" she said. Then she paused and asked me if I could come up with just $20. I asked her to let me go out to the car and see if my daughter had any money. After going through her purse Jennie was able to pull together $20 and I went back in to give her the money. To my amazement, she told me that she could give me two additional weeks.

***

It was just a few days after this that my clothes dryer stopped working. (Something to note - this dryer was just 5 years old and the extended warranty ran out in July - I didn't have the money to renew it). I was able to take it apart, fiddle with it and then put it back together... that effort gave the dryer a few more days of life, but in the long run it needed to be replaced.

God and I had a conversation over this... Hello God, don't you realize that I need every penny I can get my hands on to pay the electric bill? How am I suppose to come up with money to get a new (used, but new to me) dryer. The answer that I received back is that He wants to stretch my faith. Okay God, but do you really think I need to continue these faith stretching exercises?

After spending much time looking, God lead me to a dryer that was just a couple of blocks away from where I spent my teenage years in West Hills and it was only going to cost $50.

A great big thank you to Jeralynn for taking me and Ricky over to pick it up (they have a trailer that was able to transport it back to my house).

The miracle(s)...

That I had made almost exactly $50 on eBay just days before finding this dryer.

And then, the complete peace God gave me with this dryer. Once I found out where they lived, I knew this was the dryer God had set aside for me.

***

As you read on, keep in the back of your mind that I'm needing to put 100% of my effort into doing yard sales and eBay so that I can come up with enough money to pay the electric bill.

***

I became quit tired and not feeling good... I still don't understand why God allowed this to happen. But then it's not up to me to know God's master plan, His will for my life.

The bottom line, the new 'Blood Glucose Monitor' that I had received wasn't reading my numbers correctly. What it was telling me was that my sugars were okay, when in fact they were hoovering in the 200 - 300's (they should be between 90 - 150).

Once we found this out my doctor decided to temporarily increase the amount of insulin that I needed to take. My insurance (for whatever reason) wouldn't cover the insulin that I so badly needed.

My doctor didn't have any samples and there was no way that I could afford to purchase it. So with the combination of no insulin and high blood sugar numbers, I really didn't feel very good.

This went on for about two weeks... then finally my doctor was able to get some samples and things started looking better.

(P.S. I'm still in the process of getting a glucose monitor that works accurately.)

The miracle... I'm still here and didn't end up in the hospital during that time.

***

With me feeling better, I only had a few days left before I had to pay the electric bill. God gave me the energy and we did a yard sale (in addition to eBay).

The miracle... because I hadn't had enough energy to go through my treasures, there wasn't very much put out to sell at the yard sale... still, over $500 was made that day.

Between that money, a financial gift and overdraft protection... the bill was paid in full.

***

At this point I'm going full force to try and make rent for September. I need to come up with money to cover the overdraft protection in addition to the $1,800 rent money that's coming due. This is not to mention the the $1,440 I am still in arrears to my landlord for.

Sunday night (August 28th) I was working on eBay, at the same time worrying about how the rent was going to be paid. Just then I noticed that something had sold on eBay (it sold for $9.99)

It was at the moment that God spoke to my heart... He promised that He would take care of me. He promised me that if I did my part that He would take care of me.

(I already knew that I had given everything I could financially that morning in church, it was only $20, but it was all that I had, I didn't have another penny to my name.)

At that same moment He told me to put everything that I had into this yard sale, every ounce of energy and everything that I could find (and that's just what I did).

He never promised me that my rent would be paid, but what He did promise is that He would take care of me.

Since that very moment when God spoke to my heart and mind, I was instantly flooded with complete and perfect peace. I was almost giddy with excitement to see just how it is that God was going to take care of me.

I want you to remember this part that I have italicized.

***

The yard sale was wonderful... another $500 plus was made. But that wasn't near enough to begin covering what I needed.

In addition to one of my friends being there to help with the yard sale, my Pastor's son also spent the day helping out. At the end of the day he suggested that we do it again on Monday... what a great idea, and that's exactly what we decided to do.

***

My goal in all of this was to give my landlord the rent in full, $1,800. I thought if I can do that then he might at least have faith in me that I am trying my best and he would let us stay on living here. I thought I would explain to him that I would continue on do my best to pay him back as quickly as possible.

God had other plans.

***

It's now Sunday, late afternoon.... I had looked at the weather forecast to see how hot it was going to be... in the 100's. But, they also said there was a chance of rain... WHAT? In California, the end of August?

If I set everything up and it rained then I would lose everything.

Lord, do you want me to move forward or cancel the yard sale?

As I sat there trying to decide what to do, my mother sent me a note on Facebook...

Daddy and I will help you pray the rain will be held back. "Where two or three are gathered together in my name there I am in the midst of them." Thank God for His word and that He is in control of the weather and Our Lives. Love you, Mom and Dad

Okay God, I will trust that this is confirmation to move forward. And that's just what I did.

As I was continuing to get ready for the yard sale Jeralynn called me... She wanted to know if I had seen the huge rainbow. I went outside and sure enough, there it was, bigger then life. (Later I found out the this was seen by many, all over the San Fernando Valley).

I paused to look up and thank God for this second confirmation that He sent me, I needed to move forward.

We went out to hang signs up that night... the sky was lit up with lightening strikes, they were everywhere. Again I prayed, God this is all so confusing to me. And in that still small voice He said, Trust Me.

The first thing I did when I woke up Monday morning was to look outside to see if it had rained. The sky was dark and full of clouds, but not a drop had fallen. At least not at that point.

***

There was no rain on Saturday... at one point we had a few 'big' drops, but then the skies parted and the sun came out.

Only about 25 people came to the yard sale and yet the total sale brought $130.

At the close of the yard sale Rick and I went to take the signs down, but only 5 of them were still up... someone had gone through and taken down 10 of the signs... which makes this profit of $130 even more of a miracle!

Not only were the signs taken down, but some were ripped in half, while others had been stomped on. I didn't understand, someone was really angry about us having a yard sale.

***

Although $130 is a good deal of money, I was extremely discouraged. By this point I had a total of $1,500 to give my landlord, but that was all I had, it wasn't even close to the $1,800 I had hoped for.

It's now Tuesday and my landlord is on his way over... I'm not sure what he's going to say when I tell him that I only have a portion of the rent money to give him. Furthermore, I now owe him $1740.

The miracle...

Remember what I wrote above in italics; God told me know that if I did my part that He would take care of me... this is what happened.

Once he arrived I told him how much I had and reviewed with him what I owed him in back-rent.

I asked him what he wanted to do...being that I owe him so much money and that I have no idea how I am ever going to pay that back. I continued on letting him know that I have no idea how much I will be able to give him each month going forward.

I asked him if he wanted us to move out... He himmed and hawed, and then this is what he said...

He is leaving in two weeks to go to Italy to care for his parents. He will be there for at least one month, maybe two, maybe longer.

He told me to continue on doing the best that I can.... no matter what that is, just do my best to come up with as much rent money as I can each month.

Maybe around the first of the year we will re-visit this whole thing and see where it lands.

Meanwhile, "don't worry" he said, just do your best.

I asked again about the $1,740 I owe him in past rent... 'that's the last thing on my mind right now', you are taking care of my home and I'm just not too concerned about the money right now'.

When he left I broke down into tears thanking God! What landlord does this?

God did exactly as He promised He would do... He didn't provide the rent in full, but He took care of me.

I can rest assured that I will be here through at least until the end of the year and probably far beyond that.

I love my Lord, my Abba Father, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I'm finding it hard to put into words how grateful I am to serve such an awesome, powerful, wonderful God!

I have been jumping up and down ever since, breaking down in tears, falling to the ground and giving thanks to my Lord as I am so unworthy of His goodness!

***

I had used every penny in the house to give him as much money as I could. This left no money for medications or food.

Just now, today (Thursday) the mail came... what was in the mail? A check for $100... can I get an AMEN!

I'm making my list so that one of the kids can go shopping for me to get some things I've done without the last couple of weeks. I might even splurge and get a salad and some chicken... yummy!

By the way, thank you to those who sent the check!

***

Please join me in giving thanks to my Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ for His everlasting goodness!

It's a new month now, I'm sure there will be new twists and turns, but I can't wait to see what God has planned for my life.

Love,

Diana

August 2, 2011

2011-06-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

Wow, It's been a long time!

The last seven months have been spent talking to my Lord, seeking His will for my life, and trying to make sense of the why's and why not's as to the course my life has taken.

Before I continue, I want to make sure that everyone reading this understands something... my purpose for writing this blog is not to look for pity or handouts.

The primary purpose of this blog is to give praise and glory to my Lord and Savior for His continued love and provision toward me and the road He's leading me down.

Once again, I will begin to share the ups and downs of my life, the swerves both left and right. It's been a most difficult first seven months of 2011 but my Lord has been through it with me, every step of the way.

I'll start with a short update on my parents...

My mother ~ Shortly after the beginning of the year her doctor began to take her off of the pain medication that she had been on after her fall in October. It didn't take long to discover that she had experienced additional damage to her physical body (besides the multiple breaks to her pelvic and sacrum areas). After some testing it had been determined that one of her rotator cuffs had been torn completely in half.

She successfully underwent surgery to repair this tear and a short time later (in April), she returned back to work full time as a receptionist for an insurance company in Florida.

My father is doing much better then any man with 1/2 of a heart should be doing. He is even working about 10 hours a week (outside of the home).

As for me... this first half of 2011 has been a daily roller coaster ride. If I had it my way I would have jumped off about 5 months ago.

Where to begin... So far this year has brought with it a case of pneumonia, a couple cases of bronchitis, being on oxygen (more often then not), falling a little more frequently then before, and becoming very forgetful. The pain and numbness in my extremities has become more intense, thus making it more difficult to do anything.

In addition, since the beginning of 2011 it's become a serious (month to month) question as to whether I was going to stay living where I am or whether I was going to NEED to move.

Backing up a bit...

It was just about 5 1/2 years ago when I made a decision to fully commit my life to Christ. Asking Him to be the Lord of my life... Begging Him to let me fulfill the purpose He has for my life... And, daily living out the plans that He has for my life.

After all, if I couldn't live for Him here on earth (no matter what the circumstances are), then what right do I have asking to live with Him in heaven for eternity.

Looking back at the last seven months, the only reason that I am able to continue on is because of the joy and peace my Lord has given me and knowing that He has been there with me every step of the way.

As you read on, please know that my Lord never walked away from me, in fact, He continued to provide for many of my needs. If the truth be told, I was the one who lost out, I missed out on having joy, peace, and a comfort that only He can give.

To be honest with you, I don't like this road that I've been traveling on. I've spent many days and nights arguing with God... telling Him that He doesn't understand my life. That if He did understand it, He would allow me to do things the way I wanted them done and not the way He wanted them done.

God so gently reminded me of a man in the Bible... the mans name is Jonah... Jonah too had plans for his own life. Just then God brought back to my mind the commitment that I had made to Him. And that although I may not 'like' what is happening in my life right now, I needed to follow the path (the design and purpose) that He has laid out before me.

It's taken the last several months but I've finally been able to understand that I had promised to freely follow His will for my life. Because of this I could either live out His purpose in my life cheerfully or He could uproot me and put me wherever it is that He wants me to go (whether I like it or not)... just as He did with Jonah.

Just recently, very recently (maybe the last few weeks), I finally quit fighting God.

What do I mean by quitting the fight with God? Let me explain...

It really was more of an emotional battle... I was determined to storm through life, doing everything in my power to stay where I am (not moving). I was angry, mad, and hurt... I was set on making life work on my own terms. I did everything in my power to cut communication with most everyone that was close to me... or at least keep it to a minimum.

There was nothing and nobody that was going to stop me... I kept my nose to the grind stone and nothing was going to get in my way. I didn't care if it killed me, in fact there were times that I would have preferred that it ended that way.

I had made a decision to keep my focus on eBay... spending as much time as possible working on eBay, every ounce of energy I had was devoted to making money). During this time I ignored everything and everyone, including my God, my children, and grandchildren.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything horrible (as it would be seen in the eyes of many). But what I did do was put God on the shelf. I put aside reading the Bible and spending time in prayer with my Lord. I figured that I needed to put all the energy I had into eBay, after all, if I was going to stay living where I'm at, I needed to make as much money as possible.

But then it happened, the walls came down and I cried out to God. I can't tell you when (as I don't remember what day it was), it just happened. The fight I was putting up, well, it just laid down.

My conversation with God went something like this...

God, forgive me! How humbly I come before you, begging your forgiveness for thinking that I knew what was best for my life.

I had given my life to you (5 1/2 years ago)... since then you have never failed me... you took care of me... never letting me down.

But then I became scared, I took my eyes off of you and it took all I had to keep my head above water.

Lord, I don't want to struggle to stay afloat! Please give me another chance to complete the purpose that you have for me in this life and that I might live it as you would have me live it.

Lord I'm willing to go down the path that you would have for me to follow, I'm willing to take the curves, the hills, and the valleys that I'm about to enter. I know that you will have hold of my hand every step of the way and for that I am forever grateful.

Amen

Immediately after I prayed the anger, resentment, and frustration, it all went away... I was once again filled with a calmness, peace, joy, and love that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

With that said, I grabbed my Bible and got started back on the road that He has had for me all along.

The road in front of me is still filled with rocks, boulders, dips, and sharp turns... but God is with me.

The most important thing that I have learned is how grateful I am that I serve a loving, kind, gracious, and merciful God. Knowing that He didn't quit on me, even when I quit on Him is something that I will treasure forever.

I'm still continuing with eBay and yard sales... it's important that I do as much as I can. However, my priorities have been realigned, and my Lord is back to being first on my list.

The next update that I will send out will include some details of these ups and downs... but I will give you a couple hints...

~ Today is August 2nd, I still owe $800 towards rent for July and am $900 short for August rent.

~ The electric bill hasn't been paid in 6 months and is scheduled to be shut off today.

~ I went to the Pulmonologist and it was determined that I need additional testing done on my lungs to see if their functionality has lessened and whether my need for oxygen has increased again.

I'm excited and can't want for you to journey with me and see were Gods plan for my life will lead me.

With love,

Diana

January 10, 2011

2010-12-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

What a year 2010 has been and what a year I think 2011 will end up being!

I think the greatest thing I learned this year was being reminded that we are only here on earth for a fleeting moment.

In April 2010 I underwent my third cervical spinal surgery... this one was to remove the plate in the back of my neck. So far, it appears that this has worked... for the most part anyway; I say that because the headaches are gone and for that I am praising my Lord. I still have some numbness and weakness in my extremities, but the headaches (constant migraines with no relief) are gone!

My parents came out for April and May to assist with my recovery... that was a wonderful time! My father (who has congestive heart failure) played the handyman and repaired everything that needed fixing in my home (yes, I'm renting, but if I don't complain about and/or fix it myself the landlord won't raise the rent). Dad even remodeled the spare room in my house to make it into a baseball room for the boys. Nicholas and Nathanial were so very happy with having their own room at grandma's house.

My mother spent her time getting me better... waiting on me hand and foot. I know that had to be difficult for her... not necessarily waiting on me but realizing how much more I had deteriorated compared to the last time she was with me. I think the biggest surprise to them this year was realizing that I no longer have control over my bodily fluids. But my mother remained a saint, constantly changing the linens and cleaning up whenever I didn't hit my intended target (be it the trash can or toilet).

They were both able to spend time attending Nick's baseball games and getting to know the newest member of the family, Nathaniel.

My parents went home mid-May; mom started back to working her full time job and dad continued working around the house in addition to his part time job, and life as he knows it.

By the end of August my father was in ICU hanging on to life; there were no expectations that he would live. He was alert enough that he was able to assist my mother, sister, and aunt in planning every detail of how he envisioned his memorial was going to be. But then, just as quick as he went down, he turned around and started getting stronger... I'm not saying better because he is still very ill... he daily wears a nitroglycerin patch to keep his pain at bay. It reminds him that he has 5 inoperable arteries that are nearly 100% blocked... we are all aware that one day his heart will stop... only God knows when this day will be. Meanwhile we continue to be thankful for each day that is given to not only him but to each of us.

Before we knew it time had flown by and it was the beginning of October; mom was celebrating her birthday. I think she was most thankful this birthday simply because dad was still around to celebrate this day with her.

Then it happened, one week after her birthday... mom fell and and landed hard. She broke two bones in six places in her pelvic area; 32 days later (way ahead of schedule) mom came back home.

Mom was able to be home for Thanksgiving... this was a much earlier release date then what was first expected. During the time that mom was down I spent a great deal of time searching the Word of God trying to discover His purpose in all of this. As for me, I never did find out what God's reasoning for allowing mom to suffer such pain, but I do know that He was with her every moment of her suffering and that He never left her side.

God is continuing to restore her health... it will be a long road back to recovery but at least she is at home and headed in the right direction.

As for me; just before Thanksgiving I ended up having two teeth pulled. Having these teeth pulled very much went against the dentists recommendations; however, I don't know anyone who has $3,000 to drop on some dental work.

Going a little further back for me... I began to get sick mid September... so the routine started. Go on antibiotics, steroids, breathing treatments, rest, and start over. The symptoms did dissipate long enough for me to have the teeth pulled; but then they came flying back with a vengeance.

I stumbled through Thanksgiving with even more antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments... but nothing, no getting better this time.

Right around Thanksgiving I plummeted; mostly into depression, I attribute this to my health continuing to nose dive with no relief.

At this point I was finding it very difficult to be thankful for the many blessings that had been and that were continuing to be bestowed upon me.

I was grateful... oh, let me tell you how very grateful I was to the many of you who poured out your love, prayers, gifts, and finances upon me.

How grateful I was to a young man in my church (Zach) who organized a group of about 40 from my church family to surprise me by standing outside my front door singing Christmas carols on a very warm Sunday afternoon. And then how grateful I was to each and everyone of them who came up and greeted me with hugs, food, and even some gifts.

I was just finding it extremely difficult to continue on with a thankful heart... I was done.

I have found that for me there is a difference between being thankful and being grateful. If I was to be thankful for the blessings bestowed upon me then I had to be thankful for my circumstances. My circumstances of always being the one in need, always being the one who is sick, always being the one who... (if you haven't read my entire blog then you will probably have a hard time understanding what I'm referring too).

I think it was the end of 2010... maybe a couple days before January 1st rolled around that I began to realize that my attitude certainly wasn't helping anything. By allowing this depression to take over my life I had stopped communicating with my Lord on a daily basis and had stopped depending on His Word, the Holy Bible, for my daily guidance.

Don't get me wrong, there are still many days that I find myself depressed, both in regards to my health and my circumstances; but the last several nights have been spent with me asking (even begging) my Lord to not let go of my hand.

In looking back over the last several months, He never did let go of my hand; it was me turning away from Him; being so frustrated with 'everything' that I just wanted to bury my head in anything but my Lord.

So as this new year started... so did a much stronger walk with my Lord; this time with a faith that is much more intense.

Here's a short review of last year in regards to my health...
There were two new medical diagnosis in 2010... stomach paralysis and burning tongue (mouth) syndrome.

Stomach paralysis means that my food takes much longer to digest then most; this explains much of the vomiting that I have experienced over the past year.

Burning tongue (mouth) syndrome (for me it's just the tongue)... one's tongue (most often the entire mouth) feels as though it is on fire; additionally, I've lost the ability to taste food.

Backing up a bit... it's interesting how God allows our paths to cross with each other even though sometimes years have past. That was the case with some friends of mine that I hadn't had contact with in probably 20 years. Fred and Kathy... to say that they have been through a great deal in their lives is putting it mildly. So I thought that I would send them a note... just in case, for some far off reason, they might know what I was talking about. And guess what, they did, they knew exactly what burning mouth syndrome was and what the best cure was. Thank you by the way for sending me a two month supply of this wonderful supplement. It hasn't completely disappeared, but the symptoms are much better.

Today was the first of many doctors appointments in 2011. This one was with a new doctor, an ENT... because I've had this horrible cough and laryngitis (for four months now) my pulmonologist wanted me to see him just to make sure everything was 'okay'.

After speaking with him for about 15 minutes he informs me that he is doing a 'Nasal Endoscopy' right there and then.... yipee! Just a few minutes later and it's all over... the results (and please, if any of you have ever heard of this before let me know).

Reflux Laryngitis... apparently the back side of my voice box (layrnx) has been severely damaged by acid reflux. I have had a hiatal hernia for a few years now (blamed on the severity of the bronchial coughing). He believes that the cause of this 'reflux laryngitis' damage is a combination of the hiatal hernia and almost daily vomiting (from stomach paralysis) over the last several months.

First new rule... minimal talking!

Second, he has started me on two new medications (if you are counting, that brings the total to 42 prescriptions per day). I am to see him again in 30 days... meanwhile, nothing to eat at least four hours before laying down (either to nap or sleep). And, nothing to drink one hour before laying down (even water), nor am I to have any cough drops one hour prior to laying down or while laying down.

If you know me, you know I live on water, probably 15 glasses a day... I think I drink at least 1 - 2 glasses during the night, this in an attempt at preventing a dry mouth and calming my cough.

I'm not really sure what this will mean in regards to how much sleep I will be getting from this night forward. I cough so violently through the night that I often find myself vomiting at least once every night. I have cough syrup yes, but often count on water and/or cough drops to get me through the rest of the night.

I will be back to see this doctor on February 7th to find out if anything has changed either for the better or the worse; it will be at this time that I also find out what the next step(s) will be.

I read the following on someones blog and am going to paraphrase it... but thought it perfect as this new year seems to be starting off with so little knowledge as to where it will take me.

Starting this new year has been like standing at the edge of the cold, deep, dark ocean. Looking at those big waves it's hard not to get scared, at times I've had to hold myself back from turning in the other direction and running as fast as I can.

What I've come to realize is that it's not about diving in to those cold scary waves... it's about keeping my eyes on Jesus and getting ready to walk on the water.

Matthew 14: 27-31
²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”
²⁸ And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
²⁹ So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

At times I still find myself filled with doubt as I sit and wonder what the future holds... questioning how much longer I can go on with my health continuing to decline on what seems to be a regular basis.

But it's not about what I see as being possible... it's about what's possible with Him...

Matthew 19:26
²⁶ But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Once again, thank you to all who have spent time on their knees for me... and so much more!

With love,

Diana

November 18, 2010

2010-11-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

This post is in direct response to the many who have asked for an update...

Friday, November 12th:
Mom came home from the hospital; she needed a few days to get comfortable but seems to be getting stronger with each passing day.

Last Friday also meant a dental appointment for me... I had been suffering from some semi-intense pain over the last few months. The x-rays showed that I needed two root canals... the two teeth were back to back.

One of the teeth bothered me significantly more than the other so that was the tooth that was pulled. Why did I have it pulled instead of having the root canal done? Hmm... I don't have dental insurance... Root Canal $790 vs Tooth Extraction $250... the decision wasn't difficult.

The dentist gave me seven stitches in an attempt at avoiding a dry socket. I've had many pulled teeth and with nearly each one came a dry socket; so I was really hoping this was going to work.

Going back on the 22nd to have the stitches removed.

I was started on a round of antibiotics to fight off any infection... I was personally hoping it would aid in my breathing.

Saturday, November 13th:
Saturday was a good day for the most part... Saturday evening the area of the extraction began to hurt.

Sunday, November 14th:
The pain was increasing and nothing seemed to bring relief.

Monday, November 15th:
Went to the dentist... an infection had set in (it appears that my body has built up a resistance to Zithromax aka Z Pack). I was started on Clindamycin and began to feel a bit better.

Tuesday, November 16th:
The new antibiotic continued to bring relief for me.

Mom is continuing to improve... but it appears that she tore her rotator cuff when she fell. She cannot lift her arm and it is causing her a significant amount of pain. She will most certainly need surgery to repair her shoulder; it's not a matter of if it's a matter of when.

She's been through this once before and if you've ever had it done you know it can be a very painful recovery. Regardless, it's something that will need to be done eventually.

Wednesday, November 17th:
Tuesday night was the first night that I slept through without cough syrup... these new antibiotics have started working on my breathing!

My oral pain continued to decrease in the area of the extracted tooth but began to increase in the tooth next to it that is in need of a root canal.

Mom has continued to improve and dad went to his daily compression therapy.

While at compression therapy dad began to experience chest pains and was sent to the hospital. Many tests were run and it was determined that he did NOT experience a heart attack. Instead, it was a reminder that he is not a healthy man; that he has congestive heart failure, and that there are many more times like this ahead of him. He was released and sent home Wednesday night.

Thursday, November 18th:
I was up most of last night (Wednesday night) in pain from my tooth... I called the dentist this morning and it's been decided that I will have my 2nd tooth pulled tomorrow.

By the way... the stitches seem to have done the trick... no dry socket! Let's see if the same holds true after this next tooth is pulled.

Friday, November 19th:
I think that I'm looking forward to getting this 2nd tooth pulled... I'll let you know later in the week.

Mom will be going to get her hair done tomorrow (this is the first time since the fall - 6 1/2 weeks ago). After that she is hoping to be attend the funeral for the very young daughter of a co-worker who passed away unexpectedly.

*****

I received some new lab results and even a new diagnosis... but those details will wait for later as I need to get some ice on my face in hopes of eliminating some of this pain.

But before I close, thank you to a wonderful friend who sent me a gift card a couple weeks ago. And more thanks for all the food that has come my way this week; another incredible delivery from Children's Hunger Fund, individuals who have dropped off bags of groceries, and then some amazing cooks who have made some wonderful meals...

*****

O, How I Love Jesus

That is a name I love to hear, I love to sing its worth!
It sounds like music in my ear, the sweetest name on earth.

O, How I Love Jesus; O, How I Love Jesus!
O, How I Love Jesus, because He first loved me.

*****

I John 4:19
19 We love Him because He first loved us.

With love,

Diana

November 11, 2010

2010-11-06T16:39:00.000-07:00

It has been almost two weeks since mom has experienced the worst day since her fall. Ever since that day she began to slowly improve.

Aunt Shirley arrived one week ago; she has been a huge help to my father and a blessing to my mother. Although, as you will read on, the necessity of her being with them has only just begun... her assistance is needed now more then ever.

This next bit of news came as expectantly to us as I'm sure it will to you...

God has certainly heard and answered our prayers... in fact, I will tell you that He has allowed for a miracle. To the many of you who have prayed, thank you... God is good and His timing is perfect.

Mom is going home tomorrow (Friday, November 12th)... yes, you read correctly. She is being released from the hospital tomorrow and will be heading home.

If you remember reading a couple weeks ago she wasn't going to be released until the end of this month at the earliest and quite possibly the end of the year.

She still has a long road of recovery ahead of her; but we are rejoicing in the fact that a new chapter in her life is beginning tomorrow as she is released from the hospital.

Please join us in giving all the praise and glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for this miraculous healing in mom's body.

*****

As for me, I went to the doctor yesterday... chest x-rays were taken and the good news is that I don't have pneumonia.

More good news for my family and Jeralynn; the doctor won't allow me to start on the 'heavy' dose of steroids (100mg prednisone). I say good news for them because I have not been the most pleasant person to be around lately; my attitude problem is a result of the most recent doses of steroids that I have been on.

That isn't good news for me... that means I continue to live with this COPD flare-up (exacerbation). The type of COPD that I have is chronic obstructive bronchitis... meaning constant bronchitis and the cough that goes along with it. This is the same cough that caused the cervical spinal injuries and required the many surgeries that have gone along with it.

I'm sure you have heard that too many antibiotics aren't good for a person... eventually they won't work. That is the case for this bout of bronchitis... they want to hold off any giving me additional antibiotics in case this turns into pneumonia and antibiotics become necessary.

My doctor is holding off on the 'heavy' steroids until she gets my blood work back... steroids play havoc on diabetics and do a number on one's bone density. She feels that right now the risk of going on prednisone is greater then the possible benefits.

So now I will wait... wait until the blood results come back and will continue to rest, sleep, and rest some more until this exacerbation slowly works it's way out of my body.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. ⁶ Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
⁷ And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.

With love,

Diana

November 4, 2010

2010-11-04T03:09:00.000-07:00

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

At this time in my life it is only because He lives that I can face tomorrow. For me it's one minute at a time... sometimes it's making it through one second at a time.

If you have a family member in a rehabilitation hospital or convalescent home please, please make your presence known to the hospital staff. Stand in defense of your loved one, make surprise visits two - three times a day; if you suspect anything, investigate it... don't let anything go unnoticed.

I don't have the emotional energy to go into details; but just know, even the finest of establishments can reach their limits. Frustrations are then taken out on the most frail, the weakest patients. Patients who either don't have a voice or who can't properly communicate are the most vulnerable.

I have spent the last few days being angry, furious, not understanding and not wanting to understand. I'm not angry because my parents are ill... I'm angry because I am not physically well enough to fly down to Florida and be by my mother's side during the day and sleep by her side at night.

God and I have spent a lot of time talking these last few days... or should I say, I've been doing the talking (the yelling, the screaming) and haven't paused to listen to God's response.

Psalm 55: 1-2

¹ Give ear to my prayer, O God, And do not hide Yourself from my supplication. ² Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint, and moan noisily.

Saturday was the single worse day mom has had since first falling three weeks ago. The last few posts have pretty much explained her day to day living so I won't spend time repeating myself.

My father has become extremely tired and is not doing well himself. He wears a Nitroglycerin Patch so that he doesn't feel any pain... however, the chest pains have increased over the last several days to the point of him experiencing significant pain even with the patch. In fact he has had to miss his compression therapy because of lacking the strength he needs to get there.

My parents health has deteriorated to the point that we have asked my aunt to fly out to Florida on Friday. I'm thanking God for my Aunt Shirley, this is my fathers sister... she is an angel sent from heaven. Auntie is in her 70's herself but if she can sit with my mom and constantly remind my mom that she isn't alone this will be a tremendous help.

Hopefully, this will allow dad to take the time he needs to rest and slowly get back up on his feet. He will continue to see mom several times a day but this way he can rest when he needs to. If dad ends up back in the hospital (which won't surprise any of us) my sister will catch the first flight out of Washington so that she can be there with auntie.

*****

As for me, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I'm still experiencing side effects from the few steroids that I was on... extreme mood swings, swollen face and ankles, and I've almost got a full beard going...lol.

The problem is that I need to go on a much stronger dose of steroids... (Prednisone 100 mg/daily) that's not something that I want to do at this point. Eventually I will need to give in and get on them... it's becoming more and more difficult to breathe, the coughing is causing my neck to swell and well.... the other problems would fall into the 'TMI' category.

Jeralynn came over last night so that we could talk (so that I could talk). After she sat quietly listening to me ramble and ramble (that's all I seem to be able to do) she told me that I needed to stop and take time out for myself.

Listen to christian music she told me, listen to your cd's over and over again. Listen to PR's (Pastor Ron's) sermons over and over again ~ http://granadahillscc.org/category/sermons/. Spend time doing things just for me; things that will calm my spirit, clear my head, and allow my body to start healing from this endless bout of bronchitis.

Okay, I think I can do that... in fact, I've spent the last hour or so listening to the greatest Pastor in the world deliver a wonderful message entitled 'Abba Will Wipe Away All Your Tears'.

And finally, a praise report, yes in the midst of all of this I have something incredible to thank my Lord for. I'm not sure that I am at liberty to give any names so I will hold off on that for now... but please join me in giving thanks to my Lord for an answer to prayer. Tuesday when getting the mail an envelope fell to ground... I opened it to find a check, in fact a check that was written out for a large amount of money. 'Medications for November & December' was written in the memo line... I broke down into tears praising my Lord for His goodness. (This of course caused me to start coughing until I was vomiting and unable to breath... after a nebulizer treatment I was finally able to calm down).

As I fell asleep that night I was able to rest in the arms of God knowing He will continue to provide for my every need.

It's been almost 6 years since I decided to put my trust in God and I don't regret that decision for one second. If you have been reading my blogs you have seen that when God became the Lord of my life He didn't promise an easy road for me. In fact, for me, my life turned upside down the minute I decided to follow Christ. But you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way... the circumstances of my life may be out of my control. But I wouldn't trade the peace and joy that I have within for all the money in the world.

I will praise the name of the Lord and I will not be afraid. He will stop my feet from stumbling and He will allow me to walk in the path of His light.

^{Psalm 56:8 - 13}⁸ You number my wanderings; You put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?

⁹ When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know, because God is for me.

¹⁰ In God (I will praise His word), in the LORD (I will praise His word),
¹¹ In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
¹² Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God; I will render praises to You, ¹³ For You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?

With Love,

Diana

October 30, 2010

2010-10-30T02:06:00.001-07:00

As for me I have something to be so very thankful for today ~ an answer to prayer!

On Wednesday I awoke to find a box had been delivered to my door. I wasn't expecting anything so I didn't open it until Thursday evening. What a wonderful answer to prayer... a box full of nebulizer treatments. For those who aren't familiar with what a nebulizer is; it's one of my life supporting treatments. It clears my airways when nothing else will work... it's often my last step before running to the emergency room or calling 911.

Why is this an answer to prayer for me... because Wednesday night I had used my last two vials thus leaving my supply depleted. The price to purchase a new supply was going to cost me close to $200; since I don't have that kind of money I probably would have waited until things became really bad and gone to the hospital.

I'm still not sure why this showed up at my door... I haven't taken the time to research the "why's"... I just haven't been feeling well enough to even want to figure it out at this point.

As it stands right now, I will continue to praise my Lord for His goodness and mercy. Once again His blessings continue to pour out upon me; definitely not in my timing, but most certainly in His.

Isaiah 55:8-9
⁸ “ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
⁹ “ For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

With this package arriving at my door it allowed a sliver of light, a sliver of hope, just enough to know that my Lord remains in control and all things will be provided for and come to completion in His timing.

It doesn't appear that this most recent round of antibiotics and steroids did anything to improve my condition. Come Monday morning if there isn't a significant improvement then I will once again call the doctor and we will decide what the next step is.

It's now going on 7 weeks that I've been down with bronchitis...

In addition to bronchitis, side effects to the antibiotics are beginning to surface (I will spare you the exciting details of these side effects).

When a diabetic is sick blood sugars tend to run high; add steroids to the mix and it sends my sugars soaring... this causes the nerve damage in my feet (neuropathy) and nerve damage in my abdomen (stomach paralysis) to act up. Higher sugars also mean that I'm so very tired and all I want to do is sleep.

High sugars also mean an increased usage of diabetic medications... thus causing my supply to dwindle faster than it normally would. But as God showed this past week, He will provide for my needs .

Unfortunately, high sugars sometimes mean that a crash (very low sugars) can come out of the blue... just as happened last night. My sugars had dropped to the mid 30's; I think that last night was the closest I've ever come to passing out. Once again, something to be thankful to God for as both my children, son-in-law, and grandchildren were at home with me when this happened.

I'm truly looking forward to seeing how God is going to provide the medications that are needed between now and the first of the year...

*****

Dad and Mom...

I am once again going to share some information so that you will know how to pray. I'm not putting this information out for any other reason except for you to be able to pray more specifically for my parents.

As a side note I wanted to share my parents ages with you... I think their ages just might come as a surprise to some and even shock others. For the most part, people of their age groups do not experience what they are going through. I'm hoping this will help you better understand the reason this is all so shocking to us.

Mom is a very young 69 years old, in fact she just celebrated her birthday the beginning of October.

Dad is a very young 71 years old and will be celebrating his 72nd birthday at the end of November.

Mom's condition remains extremely poor... She remains heavily medicated, in fact, if they needed to further medicate her I believe the next step would be a drug induced coma.

When praying for dad please pray that God will continue to provide him with strength. Not only for his heart but also the strength (mentally and physically) to assist in caring for my mother each day. Pray that his mind will be still at night and that he will be able to have a solid time of sleep; one spent without continually waking up in worry over my mother.

Before moving on to my mom... remember that both of my parents were out here (in California) with me in April. My mother spent four weeks taking care of me during my recovery from cervical spinal surgery and my father spent four very busy weeks being Mr. Fix-it... he did everything from plumbing repair to garage clean up to remodeling a room in my house so the boys (my grandsons) would have a special room in the house when they come over to play and / or spend the night (this only happens when Ricky is home).

Now onto mom...

Have you ever cared for an end of life alzheimer's patient? They ask the same questions over and over again. There is no rhyme or reason for most of their questions; most of their time is spent highly confused and frustrated over not understanding. They are no longer able to care for themselves and need a caregiver for their simplest daily needs.

The above description is that of my mothers daily life... without going into details this lifestyle is exhausting for all concerned, including my mother.

Believe it or not there is good news in all of this; with the amount of medication that she is now on it has allowed the last few days to be relatively pain free. That alone is great reason for us to be thankful to God; that through medication she is no longer crying out in pain. Please join our family in praising God for this answer to prayer.

It's easier for me to deal with this then I can imagine it is for my father... I'm only able to speak with mom over the phone. I've not yet seen any pictures of her; but I'm sure once I do the reality of this will set in much more then it already has for me.

As for dad, he is living this day in and day out... I'm sure that at times it seems that this may all be much more then he can or wants to handle.

The one thing I will say; my sister and I are so very proud of the fact that he has been right by her side every step of the way.

Thank you again for the very many prayers and all the thoughts and well wishes!

Diana

October 26, 2010

2010-10-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

So much to share; I'm not sure where to begin!

Moving forward I will refer to these times in life as 'Faith Strengthening Exercises' or FSE's...

I've been in bed the last several days; still trying to fight off this bronchial COPD flare up. In other words, I've had a steady case of bronchitis for the last 6 weeks; some days are worse then others, but for the most part I remain thankful that God has allowed me to stay out of the hospital.

I've begun yet another course of antibiotics and steroids... I haven't noticed a difference yet but am holding out hope that this will work!

And then for the best news yet...

For the last 7 - 10 days the price of my med's had begun to go up... the best I could understand was that it had something to do with Medicare coverage (or the changes within). I picked up the med's that I absolutely needed and figured I could deal with the others once I began to regain some strength.

But then today as I was calling to inquire about another needed medication I received the best news of all... As of October 25th (Monday) I hit the doughnut hole! What does this mean... from now until the end of the year I no longer have prescription coverage. For someone like me who is on 20 - 30 prescriptions each month; it means no more prescriptions until January 1, 2011.

It looks like I need to spend some time making phone calls tomorrow (whether I feel like it or not). My priority for tomorrow will be trying to figure out how I can get some of the meds that I must have to live for the next two months (11 of which are for diabetes and breathing - COPD).

*****

I received a card in the mail from a dear friend on Saturday... inside the card she gave me a scripture verse. At first I didn't think much of it... don't get me wrong, I love getting cards and treasure the Word of God along with the many scriptures within. But at the time of receiving the card and scripture it didn't pop out at me as something to hold onto tightly.

But as this week has progressed (with news of my medications and then more news about my mother) that specific scripture has become increasingly meaningful to me.

Isaiah 28-31
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

*****

My father is doing well for the most part... he has only had one bad day since my mothers fall and for that we are all thankful. This is so much more magnificent when you remember that he is still operating on only a portion of his heart and five of the arteries connected to his functioning heart are 100% blocked.

He has written a short note for me to share with you.

I went to my cardiologist on October 22... as he checked me over we began to talk about my stay in the hospital. The doctor said that he did not expect me to walk out of the hospital. Neither my cardiologist nor my electrical physiologist expected me to survive the procedures that were done. In fact Dr. Freeman refused to do a procedure because he didn't think I would pull through it. As I was talking to Dr. Schreibman he asked me to wait while he e-mailed Dr. Freeman to tell him how good I was doing. He also posted a picture because he was so excited to see the results of what God did for me. Dr. Schreibman and I know that it was just the Lord that got me through this ordeal. Thank you all for your prayers, Frank

As for my mother, the news is not as good...

She did have one day that was good... good for her means having had a bearable day; one that wasn't spent crying out in pain. Regardless, we are thankful for that one day.

Dad has watched her over the last two weeks (it seems as though it has been so much longer than that). Listening to the doctors and nurses tell him that she shouldn't be in as much pain as she is in, knowing that my mother is not one to complain, and watching her in extreme agony, my father decided to do his own research.

He spent a great deal of time on the computer researching pelvic breaks and reasons that could be causing the amount of distress mom seems to be in.

On Sunday he went to the rehab hospital with a stack of research papers in hand... within a couple hours my mother was in an ambulance on her way back to the hospital.

After more scans the results came back; in addition to the three breaks in the pelvic there was an additional bone that broke when she fell. The name of this bone is Sacrum and it too has broken in three places; this is the cause of her extreme and intense pain.

In doing some of my own research in an attempt at explaining the intensity of the pain she is in, this seemed to be the best description.

The sacrum is a triangle-shaped bone made up of five fused (joined) vertebrae. The vertebrae are the bones that make up your spine. The sacrum is found at the end of the spine, with the hip bones on each side.

There are many nerves that run directly through these broken bones... most specifically the sacral nerves.

Again, whenever she moves, the muscles and ligaments that surround these bones go into spasms... this causing her indescribable pain.

She is being sedated as much as possible; but even with this sedation most of her day is spent crying and even screaming out in pain.

The pain and sedation medications have their own side effects such as slurred speech, forgetfulness, hallucinations, and the list goes on.

Now that it is clear as to what is causing this extreme pain, the doctors are estimating 3 - 4 more weeks of this pain. Her pain won't begin to subside until the bones have had a chance to heal.

Unless God begins a miraculous healing in my mother she will remain in the rehabilitation hospital until Christmas.

I think the worse part is that throughout all of this she must continue to undergo physical therapy. It's important that she continue to work on strengthening her muscles so that she will eventually be able to get back on her feet.

With this information I would once again ask that you pray for her... that God would fill her with peace and flood her with joy.

Additionally, that God would continue to provide my father with the strength he needs to keep up with his heart therapy and then be able to tend to my mother.

As I have mentioned before, I don't have answers as to why she is experiencing the pain she is in. The fact is that the world we live in is not perfect... it is a world consumed by sin.

My mother has received the free gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. With this knowledge we (all of us) can rest knowing that there will be a time when she will no longer be in pain. All who have received the gift of salvation can look forward to an eternity in which our old bodies (some full of pain) will pass away and there will no longer be pain, tears, or sorrow.

For those who have not yet made a decision to follow Christ and have Him be the Lord of your life... for you, according to the Bible, there is no hope of looking forward to a time where there is no longer pain, tears, or sorrow. In fact eternity will be spent in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone (hell).

Revelation 21:3-8
3And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them.
4He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.
5And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new" And He said, "Write, for these words are faithful and true."
6Then He said to me, "It is done I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.
7"He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.
8"But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."

I'm continuing to share my Lord, my Jesus with all of you because where you spend eternity is the only thing that matters in this life.

If you have any questions regarding my Lord or the things I am writing about I would be happy to speak with you.

And finally, thank you for the many prayers that have gone up on behalf of my family. Thank you to all who have called, sent cards, letters, and emails with words of encouragement and to let us know that you care.

If you would like to send a card to mom here is her address:
Sunset Lake Health and Rehabilitation Center
Mildrene Young
832 Sunset Lake Blvd.
Venice, FL 34292

With love,

Diana

October 18, 2010 - Mom

2010-10-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! I just had a 15 minute conversation with my mother... It was about an hour after one of the 'spasms', but I was able to speak with her, laugh with her, and even cry with her.

She is still in horrible amounts of pain... the doctors are comparing her pain to that of a woman at the peak of labor pain.

I remember back to that (there were no epidurals when I had my children)... my beautiful, wonderful daughter provided me with 40 hours of entertainment back then... I thought it would never end.

It's so hard for me to know that mom is experiencing this pain day after day. At least with a baby you know there will eventually be an end to the labor. I will say that on a scale of 1 - 100; she has moved up from a 1 to a 2 in regards to this process as a whole.

If it was only the broken bone that she was dealing with then the pain level would be minimal; but it's the spasms that are causing the greatest amount of pain.

Apparently the muscle spasms are in direct contact with nerve endings in and around the pelvic area... this is what is causing the excruciating pain.

I've told her that many are asking about, thinking about, and most importantly praying for her... she is very appreciative of all the thoughts being sent her way and the prayers going up on her behalf.

Joshua 1:9
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee to whatever place you go.

I believe that is the perfect scripture for now... We still don't understand the why's of this happening; but God does. He is right there next to mom going through this with her every step of the way.

Already, there is so much that God has allowed me to see through my mothers injury; things I would have never learned had this not happened. For the things the Lord has taught me so far; I am so very thankful.

By the way, dad is continuing to hold strong... that's one more thing to be thanking God for.

As for me, yesterday was another 'not so good day'... today seems to be starting off wonderful. It's looking like it could be fireplace weather... wishing my lungs were just a little stronger so that thought could become a reality; well, it's always fun to dream.

Off to spend some time with my Lord in prayer and in the Word!

With Love,

Diana

October 16, 2010

2010-10-15T23:11:00.000-07:00

Psalm 116:1 I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.

There are many promises in the Word of God... but right now this is the one that I am holding on to.

A little update on me and then on to my parents...

As most of you know by now I have good days, not so good days, and then some bad days.

The last two days qualified as bad days and have been spent in bed. Wednesday I went to the doctor for a follow up visit; I was still suffering the affects of a COPD flare up but it was determined that the benefits of receiving the flu shot outweighed the risks of getting the shot while still sick.

What qualifies as a bad day for me is a combination of 'paralyzed stomach' (you can google this), a minor case of the stomach flu (from the flu shot), and an increase to the 'COPD' flare up (once again, from the flu shot).

I won't go into details, but if you are looking for investment advice I would suggest Kimberly-Clark... the makers of Depends... lol!

I've been waiting until I started recovering from the 'flare up' to start on my newest medication; but since that doesn't seem to be happening my very good friend (Jeralynn) is going to hunt it down for me.

The name of this new medication is Asafoetida; it's actually an Indian herb. It's nickname is devil's dung... it has received this name because of its strong pungent smell due to the presence of sulfur compounds.

I have just purchased empty capsules and once they arrive, along with the asafoetid, the capsules will need to be filled. Any volunteers? If this stuff works like it's suppose to I'm hoping to see a decrease in two areas; the paralysis (all digestive disorders) and the bronchitis/asthma/COPD... I'll keep you posted.

Onto my parents... please continue to pray for them... now more then ever before.

As a quick side note... the picture of my family was taken this past May when my parents were out here assisting me with the recovery of my neck surgery.

My father seems to be holding strong; although watching my mother go through this is proving to be one of the biggest trials in his life.

His daily routine goes something like this; he wakes up and goes to heart rehab... then it's off to compression therapy (external counter pulsation - you can google it). From there he's off to see my mother, home for a nap, back to see my mother and then back home. You wouldn't know that less then two months ago we were planning his funeral.

Let me first tell you that mom has been moved to a rehabilitation hospital; she will be there for the next 1 - 2 months. If you know her (even if you don't) and you would like to send her a card this is her address:

Sunset Lake Health and Rehabilitation Center
Mildrene Young
832 Sunset Lake Blvd.
Venice, FL 34292

I am not releasing her phone number right now; as you continue to read you will see that she is not able to take phone calls at this time.

I will try to explain this to the best of my knowledge; this information may change over the next few days as I become more familiar with her condition.

Please know that I am only sharing some of these details so that you can know how to pray... otherwise, I wouldn't be making some of this information public.

It is confirmed that her pelvic is broken in three places... because of the way it broke she is having muscle spasms every time she moves any part of her body.

The muscles spasm in an attempt at holding the pelvic bone together. To say this is causing her excruciating pain is putting it mildly.

She is being given morphine in addition to other pain medications, but as I will explain this doesn't always bring relief. It is my understanding that she is being given morphine every 8 hours (or as needed).

Example, when she moves and starts having muscle spasms (say 1:00) they will give her a shot of morphine... this will take away the immediate pain. The spasms take approximately 2 - 3 hours to work themselves out. As you may or may not know, morphine wears off as time goes by... that said, if she then moves again at (say 4:00) she starts into spasms again; this time the spasms are more intense as the morphine has begun to wear off and the cycle continues until her next dose (at 9:00pm).

I've only spoke with her a couple of times; during one of the calls she dropped the phone and all I could hear was a blood curdling scream.

I called yesterday and was able to speak with both my mother and father. When speaking with my mother (about 2 minutes) she spent a great deal of energy trying to make sense.. it was a combination of my guessing what she was trying to say and what she was actually able to say.

When I spoke with my father he told me that upon his arrival she was choking. He called the nurses in and they immediately sat her up in a better position and aided her in swallowing (with that she started screaming in pain). This doesn't happen constantly but it occurred frequently yesterday (I'm not sure yet how last night or today has gone).

Our brains tell our bodies how and when to do everything... with her brain being overwhelmed it doesn't seem to be sending the signals to her swallowing reflexes to swallow. What I mean by overwhelmed is the amount of pain she has had for the last several days; this combined with the fact that she's not sleeping properly and on a large amount of pain meds.

Today, Saturday, she will be starting physical therapy... this is expected to cause her even more pain then she is already in; but this is a necessary part of her healing.

Now you may understand my reference to the scripture in the beginning...

Psalm 116:1 I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.

The Lord I love is not answering my prayers the way I would have Him answer my prayers... if He was then my mother would no longer be in pain. I don't know why He is allowing her to remain in this pain... I may never know the reason.

The one thing you need to know; my Lord does hear my voice, my prayers, my requests. He is allowing this to take place for a reason, again, it may be a reason that I will never have an answer for.

Regardless, the Lord I serve remains in control; He reigns, He lives, He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

There are many of you who don't know my Lord as your Savior... you have witnessed the trials and tribulations of my life and most recently that of my family.

As you have read my story you have seen that coming to know my Heavenly Father as your Savior doesn't mean that you will be free of worry, strife, illness, or even financial worries.

The one thing it does mean is that I know where I will spend eternity and my mother has the joy (not free of pain necessarily) of knowing where she will spend eternity.

Each one of our lives will be over in a vapor and the instant each of our lives end all that will ever have mattered is where we will spend eternity.

With much love,

Diana

P.S. This should have gone out much earlier and to those of you who this is meant for I apologize. My deepest sympathies to the family of my cousin Rosie who passed away just a couple of weeks ago; you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

October 12, 2010 - My parents

2010-10-12T22:37:00.001-07:00

I'm suppose to be updating everyone on a more frequent basis but I continue to fail on that account.

My health hasn't been terrific lately and that is my primary reason for not providing an update...

I've been fighting bronchitis / head cold / flu over the last few weeks (bottom line - doing everything in my power to stay out of the hospital). And then, trying to figure out how to deal with the most recent diagnosis of 'stomach paralysis'. I will go into all of that in more detail at a later date.

This quick update is primarily for family and friends who know my parents.

My father is holding his own... he is now operating on 1/2 of a heart. The half of his heart that is working has 5 arteries that are 100% blocked... the good news is that although it is dependent on a pacemaker, his heart is now beating in a steady rhythm.

Now for the most recent news...

Monday night approximately 10:00pm (est) my mother fell and broke her pelvic bone in 3 places. With my mother having fallen it caused my fathers heart to act up and caused him to have some intense chest pains.

Two ambulances were sent to their home and they were both taken to the hospital. My father was released in the early hours of Tuesday morning. He spent a great part of the day having physical therapy (for the heart) and then the rest of the day with my mother.

My mother is on a great number of pain pills at the moment and she will remain in the hospital for the next 1 - 2 days. After that she will be moved to a convalescent home where she will begin to receive physical therapy for an undetermined amount of time.

I've only spoke with my mother briefly as she has been trying to rest. I'm hoping to speak more with her and my father tomorrow... hoping to get a better idea as to what is happening.

Please pray for peace, comfort, and healing for my mother... she is in a severe amount of pain. Pray that my father will continue to hold his own at least until my mother gets back on her feet. And finally, that God will grant wisdom where there are questions.

In the human eye it all seems to be a bit overwhelming... but God has already written this book and knows what tomorrow will bring. There are days that I sit back and wonder if God just watches us to wonder how it is we will deal with the circumstances that lay before us.

As for now, I'm grateful to serve a Lord that hears my prayers and knows my every thought.

Diana

Update - My Father August 30, 2010

2010-08-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

First, thank you for all the notes either via email or posted on Facebook! The many, many notes that came in deeply touched my mother, sister, aunt, and father.

Dad was scheduled for a procedure/surgery this morning at 11:30am (EST); this was going to be an attempt at restarting the upper part of his heart (as of this morning that part of his heart was not working).

After only 2 hours of the predicted 6 hours (at about 1:30pm) the doctor came out and said that they were not able to restart the upper part of his heart; there is nothing more that they can do for him.

In addition, they discovered that a total of 5 arteries are blocked; this is different then what we were told yesterday, that 1 artery was blocked. These 5 arteries are inoperable as his heart is too weak for open heart surgery.

My father will be released from the hospital sometime in the next few days. He will definitely have a change of lifestyle from this day forward. The doctors have said that his life expectancy can be 1 day, 1 month, or maybe another year. For those of you who know him and have gone through his many heart problems in the past; you will probably join us (his family) in that it won't be a surprise if he lived another 5 years.

The fact that he remains alive at this moment is ONLY because God has decided that my fathers life is not over yet.

This has been a good time for us as a family, being able to talk about things and making decisions that need to be made. God remains in control... no matter how much we try to plan what tomorrow may bring... God remains in control!

As for me....

My health continues to provide some entertainment as it's never the same from one day to the next.

In regards to finances... God has allowed me to stay in the home that I am renting; He has allowed this by providing for my needs one day at a time, and usually to the penny.

With my Lord's help I have been able to hold 2 yard sales in the last month. Both have been very successful and God has given me the strength to pull them off (that in itself is nothing short of a miracle). A third yard sale is planned for this coming Saturday, another on Monday, and yet a fifth on the following Saturday.

If you haven't realized it yet, the God I serve asks that we walk by faith and not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

I wasn't really able to grasp that scripture until a few months ago when my youngest grandson was learning to walk. When he had hold of someones hand he would run; it didn't matter to him what obstacles were or were not around him. He trusted that whoever was leading him would take care of him. Sometimes he would fall, but he immediately looked up; once he realized that he was still holding on he would jump up and start running again.

Yet, when he was trying to walk on his own he would fall to the ground and start crawling. Even when he tried to walk around furniture he still wasn't sure of himself... he was walking in fear.

That's how it is with my Heavenly Father, as long as I am looking into His eyes and holding on to His hand I have nothing to fear (this means reading the Word of God daily; additionally having daily conversation with my Lord through prayer). Lately my Lord and I have been on an obstacle course with finances and health but He has NOT let me down.

Do I get nervous? Absolutely...
Do I wish that things would go smoothly; if even for a short time? Definitely...

But I do not fear what tomorrow will hold because my Lord already knows my future.

^{Isaiah 41:10} Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, YES, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Love to all,

Diana

Update - My Father

2010-08-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

There are few things in life that one can be certain of... but the one thing I know is that my God reigns, He is in control, and regardless of what this life brings He is good all the time. His ways are perfect and He is always worthy to be praised.

This update is primarily for friends and family... yes, you all are my friends, but the next few updates will be regarding my parents and those who know them.

I do apologize for the bluntness of this note but is seemed to be the easiest way of contacting everyone who knows my parents, both family and friends.

Those who know my father are already aware that he has had a heart condition for the last 30 or so years. Through his life he has had several heart attacks, two open heart surgeries, many bypasses, and angioplasties. For the last several years he has suffered from congestive heart failure, has a pace maker and a defibrillator.

This past Wednesday afternoon at 4:00pm (EST) I had a conversation with him on the phone; by 4:30pm he was calling 911 and complaining of chest pains. Today as I write this he is hanging on to life.

He currently has a blocked artery located behind his heart; this is inoperable due to the weakness of his heart.

The lower part of his heart is working with the aid of a pacemaker. The upper part of his heart is fluttering and not functioning. This coming Monday, at 2:00pm (EST) they will take him into surgery (6 - 8 hours) with an attempt at restarting the upper part of his heart.

The doctors are at a crossroads with keeping his blood thin enough to allow flow through the blocked artery and yet not to thin as to where he will bleed out (he is currently having constant nose bleeds).

The primary concern are blood clots and the possibility that he will stroke out... for our family and the doctors, this would be worse then his passing away.

Without going into further detail... it does not appear that my father will be coming home from the hospital; but instead passing on into eternal with His Lord and Savior.

My sister arrived in Florida this evening and my Aunt Shirley will be arriving their tomorrow (Sunday) morning. Please keep my aunt in prayer as well; she has dealt with the loss of many in her life to include her husband, mother, and most recently her son.

I'm sending this out to ask for a couple of things, the first is for prayer... in regards to my father, that God would extend his mercy and prevent my father from having a stroke; but most importantly, that God's will be done in my fathers life.

Then, prayer for my mother; please ask God to carry her through this; she is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

And finally, to those of you who know my parents... If you could take a few moments and write my mother and father a short note of encouragement I would personally appreciate it. Please email them to me at grandmadianau@yahoo.com and I will forward it on to them. Our goal is to receive them by Sunday evening so that they can be read to my father & mother before his surgery on Monday. Send whatever is on your heart... a scripture, prayer, or a simple note would be wonderful.

I'm sure this is confusing, so I apologize... I'm very tired at the moment but felt the need to get this out as I wanted to give everyone a chance to send him a note.

Please forward this information on to those who will pray and to those who you think might want to know.

Love to all,

Diana

June 18, 2010

2010-06-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

I'm really going to make an attempt at sending these out on a regular basis. There is so much to share about the day-to-day goings-on and how God is continuing to work in my life.

Most of you who are reading this already know my story. Recently God allowed me to see a scripture that I have read over and over again; but this time it applied to me in a different way. This specific scripture will allow me to more easily share how God has worked in my life over the last several weeks.

The scripture is the entirety of Psalm 116; but in an attempt at shortening this entry I am selecting just a few of the verses.

Psalm 116:1, 4, 6, 9, 12, 18, 19

Verse 1 reads
I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications.

I have cried out to the Lord daily over the past several years in regards to my health. I've gone from being in relatively good health to lying in a hospital bed not knowing if God was going to allow me to take another breathe. I knew my Lord heard me, but I also knew that His choice for me during those times was with the answer being no or not right now.

Verse 4 reads
I called upon the name of the Lord: "O Lord, I beseech you, save my life!"

My plea at times would be Lord, please heal my body and restore my health. Other times I would cry out to Him that I no longer wanted to live a life of constant pain along with a continued deterioration of my health.

Verse 9 reads
I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

Most of you are aware that I have recently undergone one of the more serious of the multitude of surgeries that I have experienced over the last 8 years.

The doctors had given me a 50% chance of surviving this surgery. (If you are unfamiliar with my story then you will need to spend some time reading this blog to catch up.)

The surgery went extremely well and I was not put on life support. (It was fully expected that I would be kept on a respirator for at least the beginning of my recovery. This ended up being one of many miracles from my Lord over the last several weeks.)

And then the waiting began... Would the constant (almost every minute of every day) migraines continue? Would I regain the feeling and strength in my left arm?

When I first awoke from surgery I was furious... I was in more pain at that time then I was in prior to surgery. The problem was believed that my right shoulder had been dislocated during surgery (I will explain that later); that turned out not to be the case (thank God). However, the first 2 - 3 days after surgery were spent on pain management and determining whether I would ever have use of this arm again (and this was my good arm prior to having surgery). Eventually the shoulder pain went away and I regained full use of that arm.

The numbness and strength in my left arm didn't disappear immediately as I believed that it would. I still have occasional numbness and loss of strength in that arm; but this too is a story for another day.

But there was one thing that did change; and this change was huge.

As time has passed over the last several weeks I have continued to converse with my Lord asking, has this really happened... have you really healed me from these headaches? It was then that I began to realize that I hadn't had one headache since the day of surgery (April 19th).

Verse 12 reads
What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me?

It is true! Lord, my Lord, you have healed me from the headaches I have had for the last 3 1/2 years. The same headaches that have kept me bedridden nearly everyday of those 3 1/2 years.

How do I begin to thank my Lord for all that He had done for me?

Verse 18 reads
I shall pay my vows to the Lord, may it be in the presence of all His people.

Well it's been 2 months now and I have been sharing this miracle with just a few of you. After reading this scripture I realized that not only did I have a desire to, but that I needed to share this great and marvelous miracle with all of you!

Verse 19 reads
In the courts of the Lord's house; In the midst of you, O Jerusalem. Praise The Lord!

Take a moment and Praise the name of the Lord with me!

********

The Lord had been prodding me to send out this update for some time now; publicly thanking and giving praise to the One who has begun a healing in my body. The following scripture verse has continued to come to my mind and heart as I continue to rejoice.

Isaiah 55:12
For you shall go out with joy, and be lead out with peace. The mountains and the hills shall break into singing before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Love to you all,

Diana

May 15, 2010

2010-05-15T22:59:00.001-07:00

I'm doing pretty good.

Haven't had any headaches since the surgery.

My neck swells easily so I keep ice on it and continue with Motrin.

I went out for two hours with my mother yesterday and did pretty good; with the exemption being a very swollen neck.

The coughing is still pretty intense and I'm up most of the night with that. One day left on the current antibiotics and steroids. I will be calling the doctor tomorrow to let her know there isn't any change with the cough.

My neck swells when I do too much... My arm no longer gives me problems during the night. The only time I have problems with my arm is when my neck is swollen.

May 10, 2010

2010-05-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your prayers! God is good and I am feeling great!

I haven't been able to respond to many of you, but please know that I appreciate the prayers, thoughts, cards, emails, phone calls, flowers, clean house, Facebook comments, and everything else that has been sent my way.

This update is from me; at least this one is... I can't promise that I will be the author of the next one, but I am taking this one day at a time.... so here goes.

The last few days have consisted of a little more pain then usual. I slipped and fell in the shower on Friday; I don't think additional injury was done but it has caused a greater amount of pain.

No more stand alone showers for me... for the immediate future it means that I will be showering supervised with a shower chair.

I'm not sure if life can get any more humbling then wearing diapers and now showering supervised with a shower chair... lol.

The COPD symptoms have been increasing; this means my mother and I have been getting up several times each night for breathing treatments and medications. Additional medications were added but they didn't make any difference. The doctor called today to tell me she is starting me back on antibiotics and steroids as of tonight.

My daughter spent a couple days in the hospital last week with a headache that just won't go away. They are sending her to UCLA for further testing... this will take place in a couple weeks. I'm trusting God that these are migraines that can be controlled with medication. Meanwhile, please keep her and her family in your prayers.

My father has been staying busy around the house getting many handyman projects done... this has been wonderful!

And last, I have a goal to meet! My little Nathanial is turning 1 on the 19th of this month... can you believe it? My goal is to make it to his 1st Birthday party!

Love to all,

Diana

May 6, 2010

2010-05-07T11:05:00.001-07:00

Staples removed today so hopefully itching will subside. Still not feeling tip top. The prescription cough syrup did help, however, so fewer night time breathing treatments. This helps Diana's mother get more sleep, too, as she administers the treatments. Diana's dad is going strong with household projects for Diana.

May 4, 2010

2010-05-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

Diana went to see her Primary Care Physician today. She was given a prescription cough syrup to try and squelch her cough instead of the steroids and antibiotic like before. Hopefully this will give her the rest she is not getting at night. One staple came out by mistake. Her scar is really itchy.

2010-05-03T16:15:00.001-07:00

Diana is still not sleeping well due to the cough. She will be seeing her surgeon this Thursday. Her left arm has not felt this good in years and does not cause her pain at night. Movement is getting better.

The right shoulder that was hurt in bed transferring after surgery is much better too. She is very, very tired today.

April 29, 2010

2010-04-29T16:25:00.001-07:00

She feels better today and saw her assessment/physical therapist lady today. She is improved from before and the therapist hopes to get insurance approval to see Diana a few more times. The assessment of Diana is that the same problem can occur again from the COPD cough or from Diana lifting, moving and taxing herself too much. She needs to be CAREFUL for the rest of her life not to bring on another spinal cord injury. Later on today, she might make a pot of coffee to share with Jeralynn.

April 27, 2010

2010-04-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a bad day for Diana because it was a bad Monday night. Her COPD cough kept her awake and in pain. Her neck is now more swollen and the pain is again ever present. Getting the breathing treatment meds took all day and arrived at 5 pm. She is not in a good mood despite being able to walk to the kitchen to make herself a pot of coffee the way she likes it. Please, no phone calls or visits until next week. Please remember to keep her in your prayers!

April 26, 2010

2010-04-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Diana sat in her jammies in the living room today. The medical assessment lady came by and rated her post surgery condition as 'poor'. This assessment was actually given now as a spinal cord injury due to the screw that was loosened and lodged on the nerve. Another assessment will be done on Thursday. It will take up to a year before we know the final baseline of Diana's recovery. The pain in her hips now is most likely due to the injury. She might accept phone calls on Wednesday but it depends on how she feels. Last night she did enjoy knowing her family was having a rousing good game of Monopoly.

April 25, 2010

2010-04-25T20:09:00.001-07:00

Diana is home. Her parents from Florida are here to care for her. She is very, very tired and having trouble getting comfortable. Her room looks like she could open up a florist shop. Please give her a couple of days to adjust to life at home without the IV pain meds before you phone or ask to visit. She is so thankful for her family and friends.

April 23, 2010

2010-04-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

Well, things are looking up for Lady Diana! Yesterday she was able to move around a lot more, and walked about 100 feet down the hallway. She is also able to move her shoulder a bit, and the pain is being much better managed by the medication. At this point, she is looking at possibly going home this Saturday!
Praise God for a successful surgery, and so far a blessed recovery stage!

April 22, 2010

2010-04-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

Diana Underwood was doing better yesterday. Her shoulder is much improved and will not need treatment. Praise God!

She is still mostly bed bound. She walked part of the hallway, came back and rated her neck pain as a 7. She will take phone calls (Rm. 369) and will receive visitors for SHORT visits. She sends her greetings and smiles to you all. Please turn in your name tag after your visit. The hospital keeps the count and will not allow others in to see her if the tally chart shows folks are still there (Information was provided by Jeralynn Langton).

Please continue to pray for her healing and comfort.

April 22, 2010

2010-04-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

Diana is doing better today. Her shoulder is much improved and will not need treatment. She is still mostly bed bound. She did walk part of the hallway but then came back and rated her neck pain as 7. She will take phone calls (room 369) and will receive visitors for SHORT visits. She sends her greetings and smiles to you all. A bouquet of tulips and a picture drawn by her grandson brighten her room.

April 20, 2010

2010-04-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

Bad news: Diana is unable to have calls or visitors at least for today and tomorrow due to the pain, and is still suffering so much from her right shoulder. :(

Good news: The doctor approved a Nebulizer for her which has already greatly helped reduce coughing. Coughing was a huge problem; each cough shook her shoulder. So the Nebulizer is a great blessing!

Jeralynn was able to establish somewhat of a routine for the day/night for Diana....things like timing of pain medicine, changing bedding and clothes, etc.

Diana is also finally able to eat! Small amounts, but still a huge step.

And finally, she was fitted for a neck brace which has already been helpful in keeping her neck/shoulders immobilized.
:)

Victoria/Jeralynn for Diana

April 19, 2010

2010-04-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

Diana's surgery was very successful this morning! She was under for three hours and 40 minutes, but emerged at 12:10 and the doctors are very pleased. She was blessed to have the same doctor as before operating. Another blessing was the fact that Barbara Wright's coworker was the operating nurse, and was very diligent about giving immediate updates. There was no second plate put in Diana's neck, which was what we wanted. Diana is doing well as far as what is expected post-surgery: she is able to breathe on her own but is using an oxygen tube. Her face is swollen because of the position she was in for the surgery, but the surgical site doesn't hurt very much.

Unfortunately, her right shoulder was badly wrenched at some point during the procedure and a main ligament was stretched. Her shoulder is in immense pain, and she is on both a morphine drip and vicodin.

She is keeping ice chips down, and the doctor is optimistic about the overall results.

Please pray that her shoulder will heal with supernatural speed, and that her pain will be better managed by what resources the doctors can offer.

Victoria/Jeralynn for Diana

April 14, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #62

2010-04-14T20:15:00.000-07:00

One word... frustration!

Monday ~ Went in for my pre-op... things went well; including the x-ray that came back clear.

While I was there I asked for a couple more 'happy shots'; one for pain, one for nausea. At this point I was informed that I couldn't receive additional shots prior to surgery because these shots cause blood thinning. I was also told that the 6 - 8 Excedrin (daily) that I have been relying on to keep my headaches at bay wouldn't be permitted either as they too cause blood thinning.

I was once again reminded of the seriousness of this surgery and of the many complications that will most likely rear their heads either in a very minor or very severe way; both during and after surgery.

With all this knowledge the only thing I walked away with was knowing that I would be suffering from extreme headaches, with no relief until surgery.

The good news... I'm able to continue with Vicodin to cope with the chronic arm pain.

Bad news... by the time I went to bed I had begun coughing (caused by COPD).

Tuesday ~ Went to another doctor appointment... waited for an hour to see the doctor and worked myself up into a frenzy... this causing a ridiculous increase to the headache I already had.
The coughing increased and I began an increase in inhaler usage and nebulizer treatments.

Wednesday ~ Can I just say that I love my friend Jeralynn! She was going to call my doctor in the morning and inform her of the changes in my condition... instead she drove to the office to leave a handwritten note to make sure the doctor received the message.

The doctor called me back within about 2 hours... started on steroids and antibiotics, she also said that she may cancel the surgery.

Please pray that the COPD inflammation will reverse itself and the surgery can proceed as scheduled.

Bottom line, my Lord already knows whether this surgery will take place or not... no sense in my working myself up...

And finally, please tell Jeralynn thank you when you see her... she puts up with a great deal from me! Also, let Stephen (J's husband) know that you appreciate his supporting her in assisting me on a daily basis.

Love to all,

Diana

April 10, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #61

2010-04-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

When my body cries out, "I am in pain"!

All I need do is look to Jesus and speak His name

As He sits and shares my pain; I quietly hear His voice speak my name and say. "Lo, I am with you always....".

I hope this entry will provide the information that many of you have asked for...

Date: April 19th

Time: I think surgery starts around 8:30am (but one never knows until it actually happens)

Surgery length: Estimation is between 5 - 10 hours

What will the surgery accomplish: Removal of the plate and three screws in the back of my neck, and dislodging and removal of the fourth screw in my spinal cord.

Where: Providence Holy Cross Hospital
15031 Rinaldi Street, Mission Hills, CA 91345
(818) 365 - 8051

Length of stay: Release date should be either Friday or Saturday

Am I nervous: Not at all... I'm counting the days and will soon be counting the hours

How will all of you be updated: A friend of mine will be entering an update on this blog every evening...

Prayer requests:
~ That surgery brings the healing that I am asking my Lord for and that the chronic pain will be gone
~ Coming off the ventilator will be easy (with the lung disease; my lungs may decide that they are more comfortable having the ventilator doing the work for them)
~ Sugars will be controlled, infection doesn't set in, and healing is without complications (due to diabetes)

Love to all,

Diana

March 27, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #60

2010-03-26T01:41:00.000-07:00

I see the finish line... I'm crawling toward it... the pain is intense and continuing to grow with each movement that is made. My mind keeps telling me to go through the motions... don't stop... keep moving! My body tells me to stop but I know that I don't have a choice... just a few more things to do and then I can rest!

Three weeks, two days left!

My goal has been to meet with so many of you prior to going into surgery. That bright idea doesn't look as if it is going to happen. If I haven't already scheduled a 'date' with you then let's plan on getting together after the surgery (or, you could come and see me in the hospital). The time is slipping away faster and faster... I still have so much to take care of over the next 23 days!

First on the list is to complete my 'Five Wishes'. This is something that I was hoping to have done a couple weeks back, it just didn't happen. No matter who you are, this is something that you should look into and have on file... it's the greatest gift you could give your family. http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php

Five Wishes lets your family and doctors know:
Who you want to make health care decisions for you when you can't make them.
The kind of medical treatment you want or don't want.
How comfortable you want to be.
How you want people to treat you.
What you want your loved ones to know.

Another piece of interesting information... Medcure (This is NOT Medicare). This is a no-cost, compassionate alternative to a traditional funeral. I've been signed up for this for years... it's certainly worth taking a look at, especially if you are financially frugal.
http://www.medcure.org/index.html

I'm trying to take this one week at a time... this week I would like to...

Attend the Palm Sunday service at church...

Celebrate the birth of my eldest... Jennifer (my princess) will be turning 27 on March 31st. I am so thankful to have this wonderful young lady in my life and so proud to be able to call her my daughter!

Attend the Good Friday Service at church on the evening of April 2nd. If your church does not have a Good Friday service please consider coming to our church. http://granadahillscc.org/ This is a time when we reflect on God the Father sending His Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross in place of our sin. It's time spent thanking God for sending His Son and then thanking Christ for giving His perfect life for what is the filth of our sin.

Then comes Easter Sunday morning; this is when we celebrate our Risen Lord. Yes, he died, but three days later He rose from the grave. During this service we will give praise to our Lord for what He has done and what He will continue to do in the lives of those who serve Him. Again, if you are looking for somewhere to attend please know that I would love to see you Easter Sunday Morning. http://granadahillscc.org/

Next, either Sunday afternoon/evening, or Monday evening my family will be celebrating me! Yes, it's true, I will be turning 47 on Easter Sunday! Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate... ME!

So that everyone knows that I'm not forgetting... At some point before surgery my family will join together again, but this time it will be in celebration of my son's birth... my handsome baby boy is turning 24 years old on April 16th.

In between all of this, Rick is helping me get as much as possible listed on Craigslist and in our eBay store. The goal for the next two weeks is to make as much money as possible so that most of the bills can be paid in advance for one or two months. This way, the continued focal point of money worries can be transferred to the focal point being a time for healing and recovery.

As I mentioned in the beginning, the pain is growing more severe with each passing day. Each one of my days goes something like this...

I wake up (whenever I wake up).... spend time in the Bible and in prayer (I continue to pray for many of you as the Lord puts you on my heart); this is done while I am sitting with ice on my head and/or neck to reduce any swelling and/or pain that occurred during sleep.

Then I will try to do something, anything that is working towards being accomplished, whether it's paperwork, eBay, sorting... After a couple hours of this it's back to putting ice on my head/neck, pain pills, and back to bed.

This cycle repeats itself throughout the day unless I stop to take advantage of the help I receive from either Rick, or when Jennifer and her family stop by. And then there are the boys... any time they show up I stop what I'm doing and focus my attention on them. This time is usually spent watching them while they play on the swing set!

My sugars have continued to stay down, however, the neuropathy in my hands and feet have greatly increased over the last few weeks. With that, my medication has once again changed and increased. The amount of bleeding that I experience has increased, but this is chalked up to the increased amount of, as well as the harshness of the pain pills that I am requiring. Hopefully, this will dissipate after surgery, resulting in the reduction in pain.

As I'm writing this I've found myself pausing and reflecting on my life... it's very important to me that you don't have the wrong impression of my life. It's important to me that you know that I couldn't ask for anything better then the life my Lord has given me.

PR (my pastor) sent a note to me earlier this week... I'm going to share part of his note with you...

Philippians 4:11-13
11Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

When we learn to be content whatever the circumstances, it takes away the power of the enemy (Satan). It takes away his ability to frustrate us. Not only that, but by our actions we are showing our faith in God. When you choose to trust in His timing, you can live in peace, you can live in joy, and you can rest in Him knowing that He has good things in store for your future.

Love to all,

Diana

March 16, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #59

2010-03-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

So little time.... So much to do...

Many have asked for information but I just haven't had time to sit down and write... this entry will simply be to answer questions...

When is your surgery?
The date for surgery has been set, Monday, April 19, 2009!

What hospital will you be in and how can we get information?
I will be posting the hospital information in the next week or so. I haven't yet figured out how the recovery information will be distributed, but once I know I will share that with you.

Why do you have a plate in your neck?
The doctors have recently determined that the cause for a few of my ailments have most likely been a side effect to 'The Cough', which is a symptom of Bronchial COPD. This cough that I refer to isn't a normal cough... it is an extreme cough, a very harsh cough, one that is strong enough that it has caused several health problems in and throughout my body. The ailments blamed on COPD (and the cough) are: Degenerative Disk Disease ~ Hiatel Hernia ~ Deviated Septum ~ Fissures. The very first symptoms go back about nine years ago when I had a cough that didn't go away; little did I know then that it would last for what appears to be the rest of my life.

Is this surgery risky?
All surgeries are risky but this surgery has a bit more of a risk then it did last time I had it done. There is very good chance that I will come thru this surgery unaffected and walk away 100% better then I currently am. However, there is just as great a chance that many things can go wrong and that I may not walk away.

A wonderful man at our church is going thru some medical problems himself and he once said that no matter what happens... It's a win, win situation! That's exactly how I feel!

If I make it thru this surgery then I win.... it was worth it all ~ I get to spend more time with friends and family!

If I don't make it thru this surgery then I win that way as well... I will wake up in the presence of my Lord and spend eternity worshiping Him... that is also worth it all!

Why are you having the surgery if it is so risky?
As you continue to read please know that I am counting the days and the hours before I go into surgery... that regardless of the results, I will be rejoicing!

The reason I am having the surgery done, even with the high risks are because of the location of the screw (if you aren't familiar with this then read my previous entry). With it's placement in the root canal, it can cause irreparable damage or worse... if I have another harsh cough it could once again move around with no certainty of where it will finally rest. Additionally, and this reason is more important to me... I can no longer tolerate the pain I am in.

What do you do to ease the pain?
Besides being sedated with pain pills (which I really can't stand - I can't accomplish anything once I've taken one of these pills). The only way to control the pain I'm in is to sit with my head supported in one position... this while having both arms being able to hang in place at my sides. By having a 'loose' screw embedded in the wrong location, any move I make causes extreme inflammation and swelling. I can be active for about 15 minutes (active means slicing a tomato) and then I sit with ice bags around my neck and on the top of my head for about 30 minutes and the cycle continues by repeating itself throughout the day. If I don't catch the inflammation and swelling early enough then I end up in bed for a few days, and finally at the doctors office for a shot or two in hopes that the pain will subside.

What are the risks with this surgery?
Again, as you continue to read, the one thing you should know is that my God, my Lord, Jesus Christ remains in control regardless of what the outcome is.

There are two risks to this surgery for me...

First, I'm diabetic... I take pills and shots on a daily basis... If you know anything about diabetes you will know that it doesn't take much to send your sugars sky-rocketing. As for me, I can go to bed with my sugars being 112 and wake up with them being 280. When one has uncontrolled diabetes (such as mine) the risks that surgery bring are: Uncontrolled infection ~ Dangerous and prolonged healing process ~ Possibility of the wound going unhealed and remaining open to infection.

I'm on antibiotics at least once a month... this is for the bronchial infections. Because I've been on so many antibiotics there is a greater risk that if an infection develops in the incision it may be resistant to any antibiotics used to fight this infection.

Second, I have Bronchial COPD with Asthma... I currently use three inhalers, sleep with a cool mist vaporizer and oxygen. I use a nasal rinse on a daily basis, and take four pills each day in an attempt to control the symptoms associated with this disease. And, as I just mentioned I'm on antibiotics about once a month. The risk with having this disease... it will most likely be difficult to take me off the ventilator at the completion of surgery.

The problem is not the surgery itself, it's the length of the surgery... I will be under anesthesia for 6 - 9 hours. That's long enough for my lungs to become accustom to and rely upon the ventilator to do the breathing for me.

Just as some of us do in life, my lungs just may want to stay comfortable and rely on something else to do the work for them... hehehe

How big will the incision be?
The incision will be a large one; they will start in the middle of my head and open me up to just above my shoulder blades... the incision will go down to my spine where they will remove the one dislodged screw along with the three other screws and the plate. It will be determined at that time whether or not a new plate needs to be put in or whether the bones are strong enough to stand on their own.

When are your parents coming out?
My parents are flying out to care for me after the surgery... I've been asked why they aren't coming in for the surgery... That's a simple answer, I will require 24 hour care once I come home... I'm not sure how long I will need that kind of care but they are planning on staying for a few weeks.

When I say 24 hour care, I mean that my mother will be sleeping in my room with me and my father will be taking care of both my mother and me so that she can remain by my side.

I'm looking forward to spending this time with my parents... this should be a wonderful time of healing and fun!

When I spend time speaking with my Lord (this is several times a day) I ask Him to please allow this surgery and recovery to go smoothly... So smoothly in fact, that once my parents are here we can just enjoy each others company and have a huge celebration for my grandsons 1st birthday!

Why have you delayed having surgery until April?
There are a few reasons why I delayed having this surgery until mid-April...

Jennifer's birthday ~ March 31st
My birthday & Easter ~ April 4th
Erich's (Rick) birthday ~ April 16th

And then... there's all this stuff I'm trying to get done before I go in... ya know, like getting my house in order.

How did all this happen?
In a brief synopsis of the last nine years....

A small number of you knew me before I became ill... but most of you have only known me since I've been ill.

I have several ailments (the list is too long for this entry - I will list them in my next entry); these ailments have slowly stripped my of life as I once knew it to be.

Nine years ago I was a healthy, single mother of two, homeschooling my youngest while holding down a full time job. I had just purchased my first home and was completely out of debt (beside the house payment) for the first time in my life.

Now, I am a single mother of two, a mother-in-law of one, and a grandmother of two. I am a woman permanently confined to home and in constant pain. My abilities to move are limited and what energy I have is spent carefully, with putting much thought into how I want to use that energy everyday.

My life, as it is today, demands that I rely completely upon others for everything I need and do.

This umbrella of dependency covers everything: finances ~ making sure I'm still alive in the morning ~ telling me when I need to shave my facial hair (from steroid use) ~ providing me with a well stocked supply of diapers ~ making sure there is food in the house ~ ensuring there is enough ice for my neck/head ~ plus everything in between.

Who does all of this for you?
As most of you know, my primary caregiver is Jeralynn... remember to thank her if you have a chance. And don't forget Stephen, Jeralynns husband... he supports her efforts in taking care of me 100%.

More questions?
I know this hasn't answered all your questions; so if I have forgotten your question or you have additional questions then please send them to me and I will answer them.

Meanwhile, love to you all!

Diana

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

February 9, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #58

2010-02-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

This is one update you will want to read as I have both exciting and surprising news to share!

Before I begin to share I want to give thanks to my Lord for His goodness to me.

Psalm 9:1,2

1 I will praise You, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works.
2 I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.

Healing comes in many forms and I believe that what is about to happen will be a healing from some of the pain I'm in. Although this healing will come at the hands of my doctor; I fully give the credit of this potential healing to my Lord.

If you remember back a few months, you will remember that I had a violent coughing event (read more). It caused a great amount of unexplained pain in my neck, and then just a few days later I once again experienced a violent coughing event that caused the pain to go away as quickly as it came. It was also around that same time that the doctor order a CT Scan as a precaution (read more).

This past Friday I went into see my neurosurgeon to get the results of the scan and to beg him to do something, anything, that would reduce the amount of pain I have been in with my neck and left arm.

When he came into the room he said that he had both good news and bad news... the good news being the scan showed that the hardware in my neck was intact. The bad news... there was no explanation for the pain I was in. I begged him, please figure out what is wrong, as each day has passed the pain has become more severe then it has ever been before.

After spending about 3o minutes between reviewing the scan, moving my head around, and asking me to move my hands and arms around, he discovered an answer that I know surprised me and I'm thinking will surprise you as well.

The following is the only conclusion the doctor was able to come to.... when I had the original coughing event back in November the cough was so harsh that it blew the bottom left screw out of the cervical spine (my neck) that it was screwed into (this causing the intense pain).

Later, when I experienced the second coughing event, the screw was forced into, and is now wedged into what is called a 'root canal'. From what I understand, this is an opening in my spinal cord in which nerves run in and out of. Every time I move the pain radiates throughout my arm and neck; this, not to mention the inflammation (and the pain caused from the inflammation) which is being caused by this screw being stuck where it doesn't belong.

Something to remember, discovering this was like locating a needle in a haystack... the x-rays, MRI's, and CT Scans that have been done all showed that the hardware is in place and that nothing was wrong.

I had not shared with any of you that I was at the point of begging God to allow the doctor to see what the problem was... I knew that this pain was reaching a point that was becoming nearly impossible to deal with.

Some of you shared with me that you had been in a great deal of prayer for me leading up to this appointment, but had no idea what was going on. God answered my prayers along with the prayers of those who have been praying for me by allowing the doctor to locate the origin of this pain.

Now for the answer as to how to resolve this problem.... surgery!

As I have mentioned before, since I am not in great health, surgery isn't the preferable option. However, in this case it is the only option... I have been in contact with my general practitioner and she will approve the surgery. My responsibility will be to get my sugars down as low as possible and to get as much weight off as possible before then (I've been able to shed 15 pounds over the past few months so far).

When will the surgery be? Although it will still be a few weeks away (probably March or April) it will take place as soon as possible. I'm currently waiting for insurance approval (sometime this week), and then for an opening in both the surgeons and hospitals schedule. The surgery itself will be a 6 - 10 hour surgery and hospitalization is estimated to be 5 - 10 days.

The really exciting news for me is that this has made it so that the back plate and all four screws need to be removed.... the bones have fused enough from the initial surgery that I had in 2004 that this can be done. This means the pressure in the back of my neck should end... in other words... this should be the end to my headaches.

I will be counting on my children and friends to see me through the surgery and hospital stay... then my parents will be flying out to stay with me for the at home, round-the-clock recovery.

The only other thing (or should I say person) that will be holding me back from a surgery date is a friend of mine. She shall remain nameless... this lady needs shoulder surgery and I was trying to accommodate her in not having my surgery at the same time as her. I was hoping that we could take turns in the spotlight and not have to share it, but nooooo... she decided to cancel her surgery so she could fly off to Chicago and have some fun. Those of you who know her might want to help me put some pressure on her to pick a date and stick to it so that when I need to choose a date I'll know what my options are! Just kidding.... love you girl and have one last hooray in the windy city before you go under the knife....

And finally, when you think about it please say a prayer that all schedules will come into place, my sugar, cholesterol, and weight will continue to fall in preparing for this surgery. Pray also that I don't have a COPD exacerbation or lung infection of any sort that would induce intense coughing, or delay this surgery. And most important, that God will remain in control before, during, and with the result of this surgery, whatever it may be.

Love to all,

Diana

January 16, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #57

2010-01-16T14:34:00.000-08:00

First let me say that with everything happening in Haiti what I am about to share in no way compares to the pain and suffering they are going thru. If for any reason you have been living under a rock for the last week then you need to know that these people desperately need your assistance.

The great organization that continues to help provide me with food and other necessities is helping those in Haiti as well... Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. Something important that I want you to know is that .99 cents of every dollar donated is used to feed and care for the needy. If you donate specifically to the Haiti Earthquake Response that is exactly where the .99 cents out of every dollar you donate will go; even if all you can give is $5.00, that will be $4.95 that will go to help the Haitians in need.

As for me, the last several weeks have been ones filled with anxiety, depression, and great angst.

As I have said before, the God I serve has filled my life with the greatest joy and peace that is beyond what a simple human like myself can imagine.

That said, the reason my life turned upside down was that I stopped looking to my Lord for help. I am human and I simply wanted to crawl under a blanket and not talk to anyone... I wanted to stay there and hide.

After spending a few days like this I decided to reach out to a few that I knew would go to their knees in prayer for me. Those who would send me scripture and those who would begin to remind me to boldly go to the throne of my Lord and seek after Him.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I immediately began to receive responses and felt the prayers of those who were praying for me non-stop. My face was once again turned toward the face of God seeking the hope, joy, and peace that I had put aside. And then, during the moments that I was in too much pain, sleeping, or just plain distraught, I could feel myself being lifted on the prayers of those who were crying out to our Lord on my behalf.

Psalms 141:2 Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

What was all this about... if you will remember back to the last entry made; I referenced the endoscopy and stomach biopsies that were done just before Christmas. The doctor told me that I needed to make an appointment for January 7th to get the results. He informed me that it was very important that I see him on the 7th as he suspected the biopsy would show stomach cancer.

I ignored his instructions as I wanted to forget about everything including what the biopsies might or might not show. Celebrating Christmas and the New Year with my children and grandchildren was a wonderful time; it allowed for the time to pass very quickly. After the first of the year I made a conscious decision not to call the doctor as I didn't think that I wanted to know the results.

January 4th was a particularly bad day for my in regards to stomach pain including more then usual vomiting. It was then that I decided to make the appointment... because the doctor is only in the office on Thursdays I wasn't able to see him until January 14th. When on the phone with the doctors assistant she told me to hold on while she got the results for me... when she came back to the phone she informed me that it would be better if the doctor gave me the results so that he could discuss what the next step moving forward would be. Well, that didn't do me a bit of good, I was certain the news was going to be malignant... but knew the delay was my own fault.

At the same time my neck seemed to be getting worse... I've once again lost the strength and feeling in my left arm. It feels as if the bones in my arm and hand are on fire... at the same time the flesh feels as it is trying to wake up from a deep sleep. The nails of my ring and middle fingers hurt so bad the I am continually trying to put things under my nails to distract from the pain. The nerves in my hand itch so bad that I am nearly scratching my hand raw at times... but the itch doesn't go away.

This problem can be resolved by having yet another cervical spinal surgery but as I mentioned before the doctor doesn't believe that I am stable enough to have this surgery.

Moving ahead to the doctor appointment on January 14th... my friend Lisa took me (once again, I am very thankful for the wonderful friends God has surrounded me with).

The results show that both the masses and areas of inflammation are precancerous. The cause for this is a direct result of both the type and amount of medications I require (in case you are unaware, I am on about 30 different prescribed medications daily).

Neither the masses or areas of inflammation will be removed.... if these areas were removed the problem would come right back. The only way to begin reversal of this is to stop the medications; unfortunately, this is not an option.

The postoperative diagnoses also showed a hiatal hernia (I already knew about this), esophagitis, gastritis, and duodenitis. These are simply inflammation of the esophagus, stomach, and intestines. This is not IBS, this is separate and in addition to the IBS problems I have.

The symptoms for the new diagnosis include:
Heartburn
Trouble swallowing food or liquids
Chest pain
Nausea or recurrent upset stomach
Abdominal bloating
Abdominal pain
Gas
Vomiting
Indigestion
Burning or gnawing feeling in the stomach between meals or at night
Hiccups
Loss of appetite
Vomiting blood or coffee ground-like material
Black, tarry stools

I'm already experiencing most of the above symptoms and that is the reason that I had the endoscopy to begin with. The doctor explained to me that the areas of irritation and masses will continue to grow and increase; additionally, the symptoms will continue to increase in severity as time goes on... unfortunately, unless I completely stop taking the meds there is nothing else to be done.

I'm grateful for the diagnosis as I can now move forward... I'm aware of what to look for and am able to prepare myself for what to expect.

As always, I'm grateful that the Lord I serve never leaves me.... I may choose to momentarily turn my back and not want to talk. But my Lord and Savior never leaves me nor forsakes me... He will forever be with me to walk thru this passage.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.

With love,

Diana

December 18, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #56

2009-12-18T15:55:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Once again God is blessing me in ways that I'm not deserving of...

I'm relatively well this holiday season.... I'm not using that term with the intent of substituting it for Christmas. For me the holiday season begins on Thanksgiving and ends on January 2nd. I'm excited as I was able to spend time with my children and grandsons celebrating Thanksgiving and looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth in just a few days. The Christmas tree is not up yet, but there is still hope... my plan is that Nicholas will come over tomorrow and help me put it up.

I'm also praying that God will allow me to attend Christmas Sunday morning at church and then to attend our annual 'Soup and Sing' Sunday evening. This is a time when my church family comes together with homemade soups & cookies, we are able to celebrate the birth of Christ, and finally some will entertain with skits, songs, and such.... If I can make it thru Sunday that will be my Lord's gift to me this year, it's been several weeks since I have been able to make it to church.

This year I was blessed by some (I'm not sure who you are) who dropped Christmas cards and stamps off at my front door. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you... I love sending cards! It all happened on the same day; every time I opened the front door there was another bag of cards sitting on my porch. I tried to send cards out to everyone, that is everyone of whom I have an address for, or should I say could find an address for. My New Years resolution is to get organized this year!

I received another wonderful delivery from Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. If you haven't ever looked at their site then please take a look. If you are not involved in feeding the hungry then please consider donating to this wonderful ministry. If not for them there would have been many times that I would have gone without.

And then today I received a gift card from some dear friends that I haven't spoke to in years but they found me on Facebook.... thank you so very much... you really have no idea how much that is going to help.

By the way, if you aren't on Facebook then what are you waiting for???? Sign-up! It's a fun way to stay in touch...

As most of you know I caught the flu on November 1st this year. I had some tests that had been scheduled during November but due to the combination of catching the flu and having COPD these tests had to be rescheduled until my lungs were healthier.

I'm finally healthy enough that I was able to have these tests done... drum-roll please...

I went in to see my neurosurgeon regarding the relation between the plates in my neck and my headaches. Before I forget, the doctor cannot see anything from when my neck 'popped out', for this I am thanking God. The doctor believes that there is a direct connection between the plates and headaches but doesn't feel surgery would be safe at this point. He wants me to better learn my limitations with lifting and moving items. Meanwhile, just as a precaution, he has ordered a CT Scan of the neck and brain... (go ahead, send me the jokes about the missing brain... I think I've heard all of them already, but go ahead).

Next, the ovarian ultrasound... the technician said that she believes the doctor will strongly suggest removing them. I haven't seen the doctor yet because there is one more test that needed to be done so that there can be an order of priority when treating these ailments.

Finally, the endoscomy... this test was done this morning. I awoke to my doctor telling me that he had to take several biopsys... he continued telling me that he found a few mases and areas of inflamtion... each one of these areas were biopsied. He told me that he won't have any answers until after January 7th and so we wait.

Meanwhile, I'm off to have one of the best Christmas's ever!

I'm thanking God that He sent His only Son to this wretched earth for me. My family will celebrate His birth just as we celebrated the birth of Nathaniel this past May.

I plan on fully taking advantage of every day that God gives me as an opportunity of getting to know Him more and more.

I'm really looking forward to every minute I get to spend with my children and their families during the next couple weeks.

And finally, I'm going to enjoy as much time as possible with friends, whether on the phone, in person, or on Facebook!

Merry Christmas to you all!

November 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #55

2009-11-25T01:37:00.000-08:00

Expressions Of Gratitude

There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!

A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!

First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.

It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.

I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.

What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.

Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!

Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!

My grandsons remain the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!

Now... for the many things I have to be thankful for!

1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!

2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.

3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.

4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/

5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.

6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.

7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).

8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.

9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...

10. For the freedoms we have living in this United States of America...

11. Quoting a gentlemen from church... I'm thankful that I am living a life that is a win/win. If God allows my life to continue for years to come I am blessed because Jesus Christ continues to be the sole focus of my life. If my Lord were to take me home tonight... then I've won the greatest race of all... spending eternity worshiping Him.

12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.

13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.

14. And finally, for something that I should have mentioned earlier but wanted to save the best for last. Early Monday morning I was awake as I was coughing soooo much! It was around 4:00am and here it came... a cough that was so strong it felt as though something had hit me. My neck snapped forward and then flung back... I heard it and felt it all at the same time. And then, just then, I could move my neck with no pain!

You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.

Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.

Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.

Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)

So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!

Diana

P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.

October 21, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #54

2009-10-21T04:01:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin?

In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.

The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.

For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.

Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.

The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.

The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.

Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.

If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).

Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.

My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.

I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.

On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.

While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).

Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.

As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.

The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.

Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...

There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...

Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.

And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....

~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you

What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.

There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.

The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.

Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.

My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.

My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.

By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.

Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???

To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.

If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.

There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.

Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).

I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.

The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.

I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.

A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...

We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."

Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

And in closing...

Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!

In Memorium....

Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!

The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.

September 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53

2009-09-26T17:06:00.000-07:00

I am blessed!

Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!

There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.

Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.

I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.

If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/

These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!

My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)

I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.

That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.

Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...

Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.

My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.

The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)

Now, for a health update...

As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe

The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).

My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.

I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.

Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.

A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).

After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.

Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).

This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?

He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.

Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.

Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......

The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.

God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.

I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.

God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.

I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.

And finally...

In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.

Diana

August 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #52

2009-08-25T00:33:00.000-07:00

God is good and His mercies are new every day...

First pictures of the beautiful bride and her handsome groom... wedding date August 16, 2009... I think that after realizing how expensive weddings can be they have decided to do away with a formal ceremony and are focusing on a reception only...

As you can see in the pictures they were listening intensely while the Justice of the Peace was doing the ceremony! I will have pictures with them smiling in a few more weeks.

Meanwhile, may I introduce to you my daughter & son-in-law, Mr & Mrs. Alejandro Morales.

The last several days have been filled with energy and relatively speaking, I've been experiencing good health. I'm extremely grateful to my Lord for the 'good' days and find it hard not over-doing it when feeling this good.

I've got some big plans for this week... let's see how much actually comes to be...

Last night I was able to spend some time with my two favorite boys, Nicholas and Nathaniel... I've learned that whenever my grandsons are over, or if Jennifer or Rick is willing to talk then I need to stop what I am doing... regardless of what it is. Life is too short to for 'things' to take priority over them!

The proud grandma & Nathaniel

<- Nathaniel looking up at Nicholas

Tonight (Tuesday) I am looking forward to having dinner, spending some time in prayer and having a chance to catch up with a very good friend (she also happens to be our church secretary).

Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I will begin going thru the garage which is packed to the ceiling; the yard sale 'stuff' needs to be weeded out from the eBay 'stuff'. It's time to begin preparation for the big sale over Labor Day weekend! I need to start now because 30 – 45 minutes a day is pushing it for me... but that is my goal.

Several have asked if I am still accepting donations for 'stuff' to sell in yard sales, on Craigslist, and thru eBay... the answer is a big YES!

The next question is how can I do it alone... I can't, I depend on family and friends helping me out... so if anyone wants to volunteer to help on the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend let me know.

I'm still living penny to penny and appreciate all the treasures that have been sent my way over the past few years as well as the treasures that are currently being donated. In case you are wondering, the money that comes in from the yard sales, eBay, Craiglist, etc... has gone and continues to goes solely toward paying for rent, utilities, medication and medical bills.

The next big event for this week comes Saturday when I will be having a surprise guest... well it's not a surprise to me... but it will be to those of you who know this person. Sadly, I need to be told about surprises in advance; that way I can rest enough to have the needed energy to participate in said surprises.

And we are back at Sunday... going to church and worshiping with my church family is so very important to me... and then it's home to hopefully spend lunch and the rest of the afternoon with my children and grandchildren.

Like I said, I have big plans for this week... we will see how much actually gets accomplished. There is always an open invitation for me at Holy Cross Hospital if things get out of control... the problem is every time I think I'm going for a short visit to reunite with the ER staff I end up staying for a few days.

Now for a health update... I'm trying a new approach in regards to my health.... I finally made the switch to a new doctor who is just a short distance from home... it makes it easier for those who transport me to/from appointments. She is across the street from Holy Cross Hospital which is an added benefit to allow for easy access if I need immediate testing done.

I'm trying to get control of little areas of my health and then slowly expand until every area of my health is under control... right now I'm working hard at exercising every day. Now you need to understand that exercise for me consists of using an upper / lower body cycle... I'm trying to dedicate 15 - 30 minutes a day using this machine... this means using it whether I'm having a 'good' health day or not.

It appears as though I may be gaining some control in the area of diabetes ... for the first time in a long time my sugars are decent. I was doing so good for so long and then last year there was a period of time that I could no longer afford the medication and I had to stop taking it... that really messed me up.

I'm so thankful that I now have a supply of test strips, syringes, insulin, and pills to treat the diabetes part of my health.

It's still a struggle to always eat right... sometimes because I just don't want to... sometimes for lack of the right kind of food... but I've definitely made this a priority and it's constantly a work in progress.

When I was hospitalized a couple months ago it was for a couple reasons; because of a COPD flare-up, but more importantly it was due to a rapid heart rate. I had been experiencing a rapid heart rate for quit a while but it never showed up while I was at the doctor. I was grateful that my heart decided to act up while I was in the ER...

The doctors believe the problem appears to be the result of an electrolyte imbalance; well, that along with a magnesium and vitamin D deficiency. The vitamin D deficiency is also believed to be the cause for my aches and pains (muscle and bone).

In addition to diabetic medication I'm also making sure I have a supply of medication to treat COPD along with the mineral and vitamin deficiencies.

The other areas of health that I am working on but haven't yet conquered are high blood pressure, high and low cholesterol (the bad is too high and the good is too low), high triglycerides, migraines, vertigo, diabetic neuropathy, kidney disease, needing to be on oxygen... and the list goes on.

Yes, I realize the importance of dealing with each of these diseases, but it's walking a fine line of having the money, making the time and putting forth the energy into this fight for life.

There was a time that I wasn't sure it was worth the fight... for those of you who might care, I've decided to move forward with this fight for life!

If you read my previous postings then you may recall my writing that God is getting ready to do great and mighty things in my life. With each new day He continues to reveal Himself to me in ways that I can't explain.

Sunday at church was a milestone in my walk with my Lord... He removed yet another layer from my eyes.. I was able to see Him clearer then I had ever seen Him before... I didn't think that I could get any closer to my Savior then I had been... but WOW! I'm so excited about whatever it is that He has planned for my life.

Those of you who have known me for a long time may have known me when I "thought" I was a Christian... I thought I was going to heaven... I did all the right things and I even knew what to say.

I now believe that if I truly had a relationship with my Lord and Savior I would have never lived the life that I led... a life that I now look back on that was full of sin and regret.

God gives us warnings in the scriptures as to what our punishment will be for sinning... if you die without turning from your sin and receiving God's gift of salvation then you will be punished for your sin. Without question... you will spend eternity in hell.

It's not all bad news, He has given us a way out... by confessing and renouncing our sin we can turn to Him for deliverance.

God is always faithful to His people; He is a merciful God. To those of you who say that you are saved... take a look at your life. Is there a consistent work of refining and polishing going on in your life? As my Lord continues to make apparent those areas in my life that are not reflective of His work in my life it is up to me to pray and seek forgiveness, to ask for deliverance for whatever it is that He has revealed to me.

If you are claiming to be a follower of Jesus Christ and yet you continue down a path of destruction such as using the name of my Lord or listening to the name of my Lord being said in any way except for glorification and edification of His name then you will face the consequences of rebelling against God.

The Lord I serve is a merciful God... I am so grateful for the mercies He has shown on me. There are consequences for every action we take on this earth... be it good or bad... from a greater degree to a lessor degree... there are consequences when one chooses to live in sin.

The life I have now with my Lord and Savior is better then I could have ever imagined... Only God can deliver us (me) from sin. Without Him I would have no comfort or hope... because Christ died on the cross for us (me), I have a bright hope for tomorrow.

Love to all,

Diana

Lamentations 3:19-66

19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
26 It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him.
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach.
31 For the Lord will not reject forever,
32 For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.
33 For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men.
34 To crush under His feet all the prisoners of the land,
35 To deprive a man of justice in the presence of the Most High,
36 To defraud a man in his lawsuit -- Of these things the Lord does not approve.
37 Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?
38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?
39 Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins?
40 Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD.
41 We lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven;
42 We have transgressed and rebelled, you have not pardoned.
43 You have covered Yourself with anger and pursued us; You have slain and have not spared.
44 You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.
45 You have made us mere offscouring and refuse in the midst of the peoples.
46 All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47 Panic and pitfall have befallen us, devastation and destruction;
48 My eyes run down with streams of water because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
49 My eyes pour down unceasingly, without stopping,
50Until the Lord looks down and sees from heaven.
51 My eyes bring pain to my soul because of all the daughters of my city.
52 My enemies without cause hunted me down like a bird;
53 They have silenced me in the pit and have placed a stone on me.
54 Waters flowed over my head; I said, "I am cut off!"
55 I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
56 You have heard my voice, "Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help."
57 You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"
58 O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life.
59 O Lord, You have seen my oppression; Judge my case.
60 You have seen all their vengeance, all their schemes against me.
61 You have heard their reproach, O Lord, all their schemes against me.
62 The lips of my assailants and their whispering are against me all day long.
63 Look on their sitting and their rising; I am their mocking song.
64 You will recompense them, O Lord, according to the work of their hands.
65 You will give them hardness of heart, Your curse will be on them.
66 You will pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the Lord!

August 11, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53

2009-08-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

When will you learn???

That was the header of an email that I received from a friend after hearing of my exploits a couple of weeks ago.

I know this will come as a surprise to many of you but I can be extremely stubborn... sometimes just down right strong willed.

As my Savior walks hand in hand with me thru life I believe there are times when He just steps aside and waits to see what mess I'm going to get myself into next; then I picture Him just shaking His head...

The plan was to have a yard sale the weekend before last... with that Saturday having been the first of the month, the yard sale was planned to help pay the rent. I was extremely excited as Jen and Rick had been helping me pull this together, friends had been dropping things off for me to sell and I was anxiously waiting to see what would come of this event and how much money we could get together for rent.

Friday afternoon I was full of energy and very much looking forward to what Saturday was going to bring... I decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture which was for sale as well as the tables that were to be used for set up.

Amongst everything else there was a sofa-bed (couch) that I wanted moved to the other side of the yard... I told Rick that I would grab one end and that he could grab the other. Before he could say or do anything I had lifted up my end of the couch and let out a yell! I did something... not sure what, but I knew instantly that the yard sale was off.

A few hours later we had returned from urgent care with three different prescriptions... one for the swelling, one for the pain, and a muscle relaxer... it's now a couple weeks later and I'm still slow in moving. I'm trying not to take the med's because I can't function when I do; I end up in bed and stay there until I've slept them off.

The yard sale was rescheduled for this past Saturday... with not having set up very much to sell my expectations weren't very high, in the end I didn't do too bad though... $200 was made and that's going directly toward my electric bill.

The next yard sale is set for the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend. If anyone is willing to help with either sorting thru the garage, setting up, or hanging out with me that day let me know... I'm planning for this yard sale to be huge!

As I mentioned above, I believe my Lord must sometimes just stand there shaking His head as He watches me make some of the choices that I do. Just like we as parents do when we watch our children make poor choices, He must want to run to us and say “If you would only listen to me you wouldn't make the wrong choice and then have to face the consequences of your decisions”.

In my last blog I mentioned that some decisions needed to be make.

God has shown me so much over the past few weeks. The decisions still need to be made and there are still no answers. But I did want to tell you what God has shared with me... to start with, God has given me peace... a peace so great that I can actually be at rest.

Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

He's given me a peace that doesn't make sense in the natural mind.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I've spent much of the last few weeks crying out before God, praying and asking Him what, when, how, and where is He going to send me. The only answer that I have received thus far is that He (my Lord) is preparing me for something mighty, something great, something that I can't understand at this moment.

If you don't have a relationship with my Jesus then the above statement might sound odd to you. You have witnessed how God has brought me thru so much over the last few years... He's brought me thru situations that don't make sense and you have watched Him make a way when there's been no way.

All I can say for now is watch out because I know that my Lord is preparing me in every way possible for something fantastic.

As for now I don't know where I will end up... My Lord has shown me that He may move me out of California, I may need to rent a room, the possibility remains that I may need to move into a room & board facility, and He has also shown me that He may just allow me to stay right where I am.

One thing I know for certain and that is my worries are no more... my Lord has begun a work in me and it started with His promise to me that I will be filled with excitement, joy, and peace wherever I end up. I can't put into words the excitement I'm feeling towards the next phase of my life. It's like I've won 1st place but I don't know what the reward is yet... I just know it will be better than I could have ever expected.

I've said it before and I will say it again, being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, in fact it often makes life a bit more complicated. However, if you are truly walking with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords then He will provide all that you need physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in any other way that you are in need. He continues to fill the needs in my life, the one thing that I continue to focus on is that what He see's as a need in my life isn't necessarily what I see as a need in my life.

And now for some even more exciting news... This Saturday, Jennie and Alex are getting married! This was a very last minute decision... in fact the decision was made Saturday morning while Jennifer and I were working the yard sale.

She informed me that she and Alex were going to Vegas to celebrate a friends birthday this coming weekend! I told her that it would make me very happy if they would get married while they were there. It took a few minutes of prompting but the two of them agreed. I think the agreeing was in part to respect my wishes.

They wanted to wait until they had enough money to have a wonderful ceremony and reception... while this will still happen, probably later this year or some time next year... it was still my desire that they say 'I Do' now.

Anyway, the excitement is in the air... rings, a dress, she's getting her hair and nails done... the works! As for the mother of the bride, I couldn't be happier!

I won't be in attendance, but you can be certain that just as soon as I get my hands on a few pictures I will forward them on.

Just think how exciting this is for all of you... not only do you get to look forward to seeing more pictures of the cutest grandchildren in the world but you will also see some pictures of a beautiful bride and her new husband in the near future!

July 24, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #52

2009-07-23T23:37:00.000-07:00

Whether you care or not I'm going to be periodically posting pictures of the most beautiful grandchildren in the world (by the way they are mine). To those of you who have your own grandchildren, don't argue with me about this... you don't have to admit mine are the most beautiful, just as long as you and I both know this will remain an unstated fact.

I apologize for the phone calls, emails, and acknowledgments that have not been returned. I'm not positive as to what the next couple months are going to hold so I wanted to give everyone a quick update and a short explanation as to why I haven't been responding.

A couple months ago I had gone to the doctor and had a very interesting visit. He stated in no uncertain terms that I needed to either start fighting to live or that I needed to begin planning my funeral.

I went home and spent a great deal of time in reflection as to what I really wanted. As I expressed in my last update leaving this earth isn't a horrible thought for me... in fact it's one that I am very much looking forward too. I know where I am going and can't wait to spend eternity worshiping my Lord and Savior.

The choice that I had been given wasn't that it was time to fight so that I can get better and one day return to work, start driving again, have the ability to clean my home, or doing anything else more then what my life already consists of. It was do I want to start fighting for my life, to stay alive and continue living life the way it is right now or was I ready to give up the fight.

I went on to have a conversation with God, it went kinda like this... God, I really do want a life... just not the kind that it looks like I'm going to end up with. I don't like my life, I'm not entirely able to take care of myself and I really don't like that. My life is going down a path that looks as though I may not be making my own decisions for much longer and I don't like it.

The choice I made was for life and the change has begun... the primary care doctor that I've had for over 15 years released me from his care. He stated that I need to begin seeing a doctor who is closer to where I live... I need a primary doctor who can see me at least once a month. The change to a new doctor has been made, God has sent me an angel for a doctor... she is wonderful and it is good to have new insight. There are so many other changes that I need to make... the list is far too long to write out at this time.

I'm now on some sort of critical care list... the health care group that I belong to allows for additional assistance (critical care) for those who have a serious illness. My doctor has assigned me a social worker and a patient liaison... the social worker checks in on me once or twice weekly and my liaison checks in on me almost everyday.

This is in addition to Jeralynn coming in every morning to see if God has chosen to give me life for another day or if He has decided to take me home during the night.

Being on the critical care list has its benefits... I was sick a couple weeks ago so I called my liaison at around 2:30... she put me on hold and called my new doctor. She came back on the line and told me to get there as soon as I could, that they were waiting for me. When we arrived there were already a handful of other patients in the waiting room but they walked me straight to the back to see the doctor. I don't think more than five minutes had gone by when I walked out with a prescription in hand. Nothing is worth being this sick but it sure felt nice being treated like royalty (hehehe).

Now for the biggest change... my doctors, social worker, and patient liaison feel that it may be time for me to move into a residential health care facility (aka... modern day convalescent home) where I can receive 24 hour – round the clock care.

So many things continue to run thru my mind, like "I DON'T WANT TO GO"! There are many positives to this arrangement, they would make sure that I take my meds, test my blood regularly, I would be eating a proper diet, have someone around if I fall, etc...

On the other hand, there are so many, many more negatives... again, too many to mention individually. For example, and in case you missed it in the aforementioned paragraph, "I DON'T WANT TO GO", finances need to be considered, being able to see my children and grandchildren, (yes, they will still visit but not like they do now) etc...

I've been told that there are many fun activities in these facilities like afternoon bingo, weekly bus trips to the mall, and then there is the social hour when we all gather for meals...

Really, are you kidding me???? I'm 46 not 86, not to mention I have my own activities thank you very much. I'd much rather focus on making it to church every Sunday and throughout the week, and then there are my children and grandchildren; if I'm going to sit and play with anyone it will be my grandsons.

Regardless, the only thing that truly matters is that I remain in the will of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. God already knows the desire of my heart... He hears me shouting I DON'T WANT TO GO...

With all kidding aside... here's the best part... He (my God, my Lord, my Savior) already knows where I will be living come September, October, and the rest of my life for that matter.

Some have said that God can and will give me a new purpose & joy for living if He is to move me. I don't want a new purpose or joy for living... I like my current purpose (which by the way is that of my children and grandchildren).

If you would do me a favor, when you think of me then please pause for a moment and pray that God would give me direction as to what path He has for my life. I didn't say that I want to know what my future holds... that's not a good idea for any of us. However, at this point I'm not even sure as to which direction God is pointing me in.

If you have read my blog from the beginning then you know that I am willing to be obedient to my Lord. I began losing my health, that followed with losing my job, my home, and my furnishings, my car, and the ability to decide when, where and how to do any and every thing...

In fact it wasn't until I lost my job that I truly gave my life to my Lord and Savior; that is when my life really began.

There is just so much to do and so many decisions to be made... in speaking with Jeralynn I told her that I feel as though my house has imploded on me. I'm now seeking and searching for a way out so that I can find a paper and pen to make a list of what needs to be done.

I hope this helps you understand why I haven't been so quick to return calls, emails, or any other inquiries lately.

Love to you all,

Diana

May 29, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #51

2009-05-29T17:05:00.001-07:00

I hit it big... I'm rich!

Don't get too excited... this is just what the government tells me. It seems as though every time I turn around I'm given new information... this time the government is telling me how well off I am.

If you remember back about a year ago you will recall that I started receiving SSDI benefits which totaled a little over $1,400 each month.

Around that same time I had been denied MediCal benefits and then without cause began to receive those same benefits just a short time later. I was very happy because MediCal not only covered medical costs (with some exceptions) but also provided me with much needed dental coverage.

So far 2009 has been a good year in regards to finances for me; I'm finally at a place where I'm not needing to ask anyone for money to pay my rent or bills. I've even begun (a little bit at a time) repaying those to whom I owe money, whether they be individuals or corporations, at least I've been able to start repaying my debt. Regardless this is the first year that I haven't gone further into debt just to survive.

At the beginning of the year those of us who receive SSI (Social Security) or SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) received an increase in our monthly checks. I was so excited as I was going to start receiving $1,525 each month instead of the $1,440 that I was currently receiving. My first thought was Praise The Lord, I can actually start paying back what I owe everyone and everything at a quicker rate.

And then it came, a letter from my case worker... after reading it the first time I had to sit down and read it again, and then re-read just one more time. The letter was to inform me that I was no longer qualified to receive MediCal. It continued stating that after reviewing my case it was determined that I receive too much money to continue receiving benefits. The letter did provide some reassurance though... because I'm disabled I still qualify for the opportunity to receive the much needed Medicare benefits; that is as long as I was willing to pay the premiums of $100 monthly.

Bottom line, I'm beginning to be okay losing MediCal and paying for Medicare. I'm learning that it won't be long before MediCal is eliminated all together as a part of reconstructing California's State Budget. All this means is that I would have lost it eventually; I just lost it sooner then others will.

I discovered that I should have never been granted MediCal benefits in the first place. In all reality even the $1,440 each month that I had been making was above the maximum amount that one can make in order to qualify for benefits. My case worker continued telling me that the only reason that I had been able to keep those benefits over the past year was because my case hadn't been reviewed since my first applying for it; if it had been reviewed the benefits would have ended immediately. My only thought after reading this letter was to thank my Lord for allowing me to have the benefits as long as I did.

After reviewing several insurance options I have selected a new secondary insurance. I choose SCAN as it best meets my needs and the best part - there are no monthly premiums.

Okay, now for something to laugh at... In 2008 I was making $1,440 / month and was paying prescription co-pays; but that was about it.

As of January 1st 2009 I began making $1,525 / month (yippee). Because I no longer qualify for MediCal I now have co-pays for everything and after paying the $100 monthly premium for Medicare; I'm left with a grand total of $1,425 each month.

In case you've lost track I'm now making less then I was before receiving my big raise in January 2009!

Regardless of all that you have just read, I really am rich! You see I'm a Child of the King and I know that one day I will go to my 'Heavenly Home' where the streets are paved with gold.

Following is what the Bible says heaven will be like – it's kinda long – but certainly worth the read.

Revelation 21
1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.
2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.
4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
5 Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
6 And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.
7 He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.
8 But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
9 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.”
10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God,
11 having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.
12 Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:
13 three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.
14 Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.
15 And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall.
16 The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with the reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.
17 Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel.
18 The construction of its wall was of jasper; and the city was pure gold, like clear glass.
19 The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald,
20 the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.
21 The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.
22 But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.
23 The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light.
24 And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it.
25 Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there).
26 And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it.
27 But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

If you know my God, my Lord Jesus Christ then how can you be anything but excited about getting to heaven. Just knowing that we will forever dwell in the glory of the Lord is enough, let alone no more sorrow, no more pain, and then add in the beauty of it all. If you know the Lord as I do then there is no fear of death; instead an anticipation of spending eternity worshiping the Lord God Almighty.

Meanwhile, I am still here on earth and my Heavenly Father continues to watch over me... He continues to provide all of my needs and even some of my desires.

If I were to put my monthly expenses on paper for you then you would see that it doesn't make sense as to how anything gets paid. My rent alone far exceeds the $1,500 I was making just a month ago; that doesn't include utilities, food, or medical. Not to mention anything else that one might need or even wish for.

My children continue to contribute to my monthly income; this is something that no parent wants especially when the children are young adults (Jen 26, Rick 23). Even with the money they contribute it doesn't add up; all that I know is that my Lord continues to provide.

He knows my every thought, He knows every tear I cry, and He even knows when to drop little blessing into my lap that will keep me going thru the deserts and valleys of life.

During these past couple weeks God spoke to some of you asking that you start praying for me and you did just that. For reasons that having nothing to do with finances the past couple of weeks have been difficult ones for me. There are decisions that I need to make and some realities that I need to face... to be honest, I don't want to make any decisions and I don't want to face any new realities.

As I look back over the past couple weeks I see how amazing God is and how much He cares about how I feel. My Lord and Savior knows me intimately, He knows how to guide me thru until the next day, and the next, and so on... There are decisions still needed to be made and reality still needs to be faced but God dropped two little reasons into my lap that has given me a desire to face the reality of life.

Those two little reasons came when Jennie and Alex's little boy, Nathaniel Alexander and Melissa's little girl, Gianna Faith (pronounced G Anna) were born. Each of these babies arrived two weeks early; just five days apart from each other and both in perfect health.

Only God knows how much I needed those two little angels to come into my life at the exact moment they did. I sit in awe at how my Lord organizes every detail of the lives of His children. He knows at what exact moment to provide for our every need - emotionally, physically, lovingly, and tenderly.

With Love,
Diana

May 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #50

2009-05-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

She's here... baby number two!

This little girl arrived on May 24, 2009. She weighed in at 6lbs 2oz and was 19" long (the same length of Nathaniel).

She is 19 hours old in this picture!

We are all anxious to know the name this precious little girl will be given... sources have it that the name won't come until tomorrow.

This little darling decided that she wasn't going to let Nathaniel (her cousin) show her up and decided that she would arrive two weeks early too.

Love to all!

May 19, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #49

2009-05-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

He's here... Nathaniel Alexander... born on May 19, 2009 at 6:09pm.

Are you ready for this... his birth weight was 6lbs 15oz... pretty far off from what the doctors had predicted.

When I left the hospital they still hadn't measured him yet so I don't have a length for you.

The picture shown is little Nate only 50 minutes old!

Nicholas and I are off to bed right now... my next goal is to get him up and off to school in the morning.

I'm exhausted and feel like I've been hit by a truck... but it's been worth every minute!

Love,

Grandma Diana

May 18, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #48

2009-05-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a new entry and will be getting it out sometime this week, but meanwhile some news...

I just couldn't keep it to myself and had to tell somebody... so why not tell everybody...

We're having a baby tonight! Well, I should say that Jennifer will be induced tonight at 8:00pm.

The reason for being induced is that mommy's blood pressure is continuing to rise... as of right now mommy and baby are doing just fine. The doctor decided to induce now rather than to wait for this pregnancy to turn into an emergency delivery.

Since Jen will be delivering two weeks early Dr. Diana (that's me) thinks little Nathaniel will come into this world weighing around 8 pounds instead of the estimated 9 - 10 pounds the doctors expected him to weigh in at with a full term birth.

I expect this should be a very normal birth with no complications.

However, if you would, please take a moment to pray that all goes well for mommy and baby Nathaniel... you can also pray that daddy won't pass out and for grandma (that's me) to have the strength I need to enjoy each moment of the next couple days.

Love to you all,

The most excited grandma on the face of this earth!

May 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #47

2009-05-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

My life has finally taken a bit of a breather; at least for the moment.

At the amazement of many I was able to throw two baby showers, one for Melissa on May 2nd and one for Jennie on May 9th. I didn't do it alone... but, I will take credit for coming up with this 'bright' idea. The credit for making these baby showers happen goes to Lisa and Jeralynn (along with several others). Lisa and Jeralynn went along with my idea and I didn't hear one word of discouragement from either of them. Instead they showed up and did all of the work, both before the showers and during the showers.

I now have three weeks before the babies arrive; Jennie is due on June 2nd; her baby boy weighs 7 pounds as of last week; the doctor expects her baby to arrive weighing in at about 9 – 10 pounds. I am anxious to see what he will look like (as his grandmother I'm sure he will be the most adorable, most handsome little boy born in 2009).

Then comes Melissa's baby; she is due on June 10th, her baby girl currently weighs 5lbs 9oz; the doctor expects her baby to weigh in at around 6 ½ – 7 ½ pounds (and of course she will be the most adorable little baby girl born in 2009).

I'm sure I will receive much grief about my stating that these two babies are the most beautiful that will be born in 2009 as many of my friends are also receiving the gift of new grandchildren this year. Just remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as for me I've already determined the beauties for 2009.

It's amazing to me to see how specific doctors can be before babies are born. How much they will weigh, any developmental and health issues they might have; they can anticipate almost everything that will happen at birth.

This makes me think of how specific God was when He created each of us individually.
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

I love this scripture ... When He was creating each of us He already knew what our life would be, He already knew the path each of us would take, and He already knew the day each of us would pass into eternity (either heaven or hell).

You can count on the fact that I will let you know the minute these babies are born and will include pictures proving to you of their beauty!

So many things to give thanks for right now... this is the first time since being released from the hospital that I have been off antibiotics for more than two weeks at a time. Yes, you read that correctly, I've been on at least 15 different rounds of antibiotics since being discharged from the hospital in December; that means I'm on antibiotics almost three weeks out of every month.

We all have heard that one is not to take antibiotics unless it is absolutely necessary. I did question my doctor about this, unfortunately with this disease there is no other choice. If someone around me has the sniffles or is sneezing I will catch it and whatever it is goes straight to my lungs and an infection sets in.

For the most part I've been going back and forth between a Z-Pack ( Zithromax or Azithromycin) and Levaquin... I've not needed to be on steroids as much as I was at the beginning of the year, this has been an answer to prayer.

The real answer to prayer is that I've been off all antibiotics (& steroids) for three weeks now... that's the longest duration without any since being admitted to the hospital mid-December 2008. Praise The Lord!

I did see my lung doctor on Monday; he asked how I was doing, I responded “Great”. He said, “No you're not”, “You're doing minimally good”. He told me not to take for granted the fact that I'm feeling as good as I am right now. He reminded me that while I think I'm doing good I need to be consistent with my medication, not missing even one dose.

What he meant by doing minimally good is that I am one sneeze or cough away from going back to the hospital. I need to go thru life fully prepared for battle; wearing a face mask when I go out, doing daily breathing exercises, daily breathing treatments, sleeping with oxygen and a vaporizer, staying away from wind and smoke, and taking my medications.

When I'm feeling good I tend to not be faithful in doing treatments, taking meds, or exercising my lungs (or physical body for that matter).

Skipping and missing the things that I must do allows for gaps in my armor; thus giving germs a way to sneak in and before I know it I'm down for the count.

This is the same way it is for Christians, we need to daily put on the armor of God.
Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;
18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.

What does this mean... I will admit, there are days I wake up feeling pretty good. Since I'm feeling so good I want to get as much done that day as possible. So I get out of bed thinking I will talk to God (spend time in prayer) later, I need to get things done. I will read His word (the Bible) later, I need to get things done. Well later usually doesn't come on those days and I skip over spending time with my Lord all together.

When I choose to miss spending time in prayer and in reading my Bible I've missed putting on the armor of God and I've opened the door to the enemy. This effects the way I respond to others, my attitude and actions, and most importantly I miss out on being prepared to handle whatever the enemy (Satan) is going to throw my way that day.

When I prepare for battle in regards to my my health it's an ongoing event throughout the day. Taking medications morning, noon, and night; I prepare myself when I get up, throughout the day and then again at night. The evening takes as much preparation as the morning takes; I need to make sure the vaporizer has water so that there is enough moisture in there air for the entire night. I check to see if it's cool enough outside to sleep with the bedroom window open or if it's okay to sleep with just the fan on, and on occasion whether I need to sleep with the air conditioner on. Before laying down I need to turn the fan on, turn on the oxygen machine, turn on the vaporizer, take more meds, and do a breathing treatment. It's a great deal of preparation in order to protect myself during the night.

Again, it's the same way with the armor of God... if I haven't taken time to speak with my Lord before going to sleep and spend time in His word (Bible) then I haven't prepared myself for sleep. On the nights that I haven't taken these precautions the enemy works on me in my sleep. I have vivid dreams and when I wake up I'm most often very discouraged or spend the day feeling guilty about my past. The objects of these dreams are things that I've already worked thru with my Lord and have been forgiven for but when I haven't prepared myself with the armor of God before bedtime the enemy is able to get in and work overtime.

It's not always easy and often I need to make time to accomplish being prepared both physically and spiritual. One doesn't always see the benefits of being prepared... it's not like I am scoring extra points with God for spending time with Him or reading His word. And I certainly don't always feel better when taking all my meds (in fact, sometimes I feel worse). However, I am made well aware of when I have missed preparing spiritually and physically.

And lastly, 'Goodbye for now' to my friend Ken Scott... I have the assurance that I will see you again my friend. You are no longer in pain, no more oxygen tank to haul around everywhere you go, no more medication to take. There is only one thing left for you to do... that's spending eternity worshiping our Heavenly Father!

Ken was a diamond in the rough... when he was physically able, he would come to church every time the doors were open. He wasn't loud and didn't demand attention; he just showed up and quietly sat; he provided support and prayer, that you can be sure of. He had so much to offer, so much to contribute but so few had been given the opportunity of uncovering the caring, loving, kind man that Ken was, he truly was a diamond in the rough.

Ken was my COPD buddy... he was the only other person that I knew who had this horrible disease. He was there to answer every question I had whether it was thru email, on the phone, or in person. He was always asking how I was feeling and wanted to know how I was adjusting to this new normal.

When I saw him at the Good Friday service I was able to give him a great big hug and then I received a tender kiss on the check from him. He was at church again on Easter Sunday morning, he looked great and said he was feeling wonderful.

I believe it was just a day or two later that I heard that he had been taken to the hospital and it didn't look good. My friend Annette agreed to take me to see him; we marched right into ICU and were able to spend time praying with him and telling him how much he meant to us.

I had promised Ken that I would go back again and see him; but my marching into ICU turned out to not be such a good idea for me as I became ill myself.

I didn't get to keep my promise but I have the confidence of knowing that I will see my brother in Christ again.

Ken ~ Until we meet again you will forever be in my thoughts!

Diana

P.S. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Ken was feeling great one day and the very next day he was being rushed to the hospital for the last time.

Please don't put off thinking about where you will spend eternity. If you need to think about where you will spend eternity then you probably are not going to heaven. You probably don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Remember, you won't make it to heaven on works, you don't earn your way to heaven. If this is how you think you are getting to heaven then you are wrong my friends.

All you need to do is to receive God's free gift of salvation and turn from your sinful life. It really is that simple. If you decide to reject God's gift and refuse to live your life for Him and only Him then the only place you will go when your life is over is hell and hell is real.

I don't need to stop for one second and wonder where I will go when I die. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will instantly enter into the kingdom of heaven and into the presence of my Heavenly Father when my life on earth is over.

For those of you who are still questioning whether I am correct in my beliefs... think for a moment... what if I am right and you are wrong. You will know the answer to this question the very instant your life is over.

My family and friends ~ Do you know where you will spend eternity?

February 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #46

2009-02-26T22:06:00.001-08:00

Happy Anniversary to my parents and Happy Birthday to my sister! Both of these wishes are belated; however, my family has come to understand that my well wishes are most often better late then never.

Congratulations to Meghan and Paul on the birth of their second daughter, Jenna!

To the rest of you my apologies for the unreturned calls, emails, letters, thank you notes, etc… As you will read on you will see that I have once again been down sick.

Thursday and Friday of last week; February 19th and 20th, I wasn’t feeling good, in fact I ended up skipping those two days of physical therapy.

By late Friday afternoon I had called the doctor telling him that I was coughing a great deal and by that night I had once again been started on another round of antibiotics. I had just finished the steroids three days prior to this only to start back up on 40 mg per day.

When I finally made it into PT on Tuesday of this week and started speaking with my therapist he shared with me that he felt that I was simply having anxiety attacks. He said that I was doing so good at that moment that he didn’t see how I could have possibly been so sick just days before.

At that moment I chalked his theory up to him being a therapist and not a doctor. I explained to him that I disagreed with him and we (very nicely) ended the discussion at that.

Wednesday I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I shared with him the thoughts of my therapist and asked if it was just anxiety. If you remember back, there was one trip to the ER when I was told the same thing; it’s just an anxiety attack.

My doctor told me that he had some words for my therapist but that using those specific words probably wouldn’t be a good thing. He went on to tell me that he firmly believes that this was not anxiety. Continuing, he said that if my therapist or anyone else suffered from an illness that limited their ability to breathe that they too would probably be finding themselves in the midst of an occasional anxiety attack in one form or another.

Bottom line, my doctor feels that I am still not doing well; in fact he added another three medications to the every growing list. (Remember, you all are supposed to be praying with me that this med list will begin to decrease, not increase - hehehe).

By the end of my visit I decided to ask him the big question… I know this has crossed the minds of some of you; it certainly has crossed my mind but I just hadn’t asked… until Wednesday.

Just how long do I have to live…? Well, I didn’t ask quite like that, but I did ask if I was going to die within the next year. The answer… NO. However, this is going to be a very long road back to recovery. The problem is that we aren’t sure what recovery for me means; there is really no way of knowing how much better I am going to get.

One of my concerns is that I am almost constantly on an antibiotic, that’s not a good thing; however, for right now this is the only option.

My second concern is the amount of Prednisone that I need to take. Jeralynn was in the office with me and I informed the doctor that I am extremely short tempered and irritated… he turned to Jeralynn and apologized… that’s just one of the unfortunate side effects.

Unless you have been on this stuff there is no way to explain to you how I am feeling. Why anyone would choose to be on this stuff willingly is beyond me… one minute I’m angry and irritated beyond explanation, and the next minute I want to burst into tears. I try not to do the later as it’s near impossible to breathe while bawling my eyes out.

I can’t sleep; when I do it’s for an hour or so then I’m up… it’s this way all night long (this doesn’t help with the moodiness).

Not to mention the extreme night sweats… the endless hunger (hence weight gain). Most recently it’s the hair growth on my face… I’m finding myself needing to shave every time I go out in public.

On another note – there are many side effects that I haven’t experienced – for this I am very grateful.

The way my doctor described my illness is that my flare-ups are like icebergs. I’m going to try to have you imagine this as I explain it.

When you see an iceberg all you see is what is on top of the water; what you don’t see is the worse of it which is underneath the water. Right now, during this flare-up as well as the others, there is a huge chunk of ice on top of the water (the flare-up). This huge chunk of ice that is visible is just a sliver of what the real, underlying problem is.

The goal for me is to get the biggest chunk, which is under the water (the real problem) to melt down to the size of an ‘ice cube’.

The best that my lungs have been since coming home from the hospital would probably be similar to seeing a hint of an iceberg above water; while at the same time the enormous underlying problem remains. This huge underwater iceberg comes no where near the goal of the underwater ‘ice cube’ it should be.

Even then, for those who are healthy, the only time you will get an underwater ‘ice cube’ is if you come down with a cold.

So, I guess you could say that my goal is to get to the point of feeling like I constantly have a cold… not really, but I hope this gives you some idea as to where my health is.

I went back to PT today and came to understand that my doctor had a conversation with my therapist. His discussions with me were completely different then they had been just two days before.

The two hours of therapy and discussion today were focused on yet another ‘new normal’. The bottom line is that unless God chooses to do a miraculous healing in my body; my health is not going to get better… from here out my health will continually deteriorate. As for now, my goal is for this to happen as slowly as possible.

And so life goes… there is so much to look forward to over the next several months. I have every reason to get stronger and stronger!

My daughter will be adding to her family while at the same time giving me a new grandson… this is something that I am very much looking forward to.

Then there is a very dear, precious young lady whom I have grown to love as one of my own over the last seven years. She already has two precious little girls (my adopted granddaughters) and she will be adding another little angel to her family.

She and Jennie are due within two weeks of each other. They are due the end of May / beginning of June.

I’ve been blessed and feel so honored in that some (who have requested to remain anonymous) have provided me with funds in which I will be able to throw each of the girls a baby shower. This will fill up the end of April / beginning of May.

And then there’s something to be said for being sick… My parents (and maybe my sister) will be down to visit this summer, probably sometime in July.

This visit will be an opportunity to not only see me and the kids but to meet their new great-grandson and spend more time spoiling Nicholas.

Several have asked for an update about the adorable little puppy that came into our home for a few days.

We took him to the West Valley Animal Shelter and he has been put up for adoption! The reassured me that they feel confident he will be placed in a loving home.

I wanted to share quickly the reason that I believe that little dog followed Nicholas home that day.

My feelings for Jennie’s fiancé hadn’t exactly been all warm and fuzzy… not for any particular reason… I just hadn’t taken the time to get to know Alex.

I truly believe the only reason that little puppy came into my life was so that God would allow me to see Alex in love. That’s exactly what happened… I had no idea of who this man was that my daughter had brought home.

In the short three days in which that dog was around God allowed me to see what an incredible influence Alex is in Nicholas’ life. What an incredibly strong father figure he is for Nick and what wisdom and tenderness he has for Nicholas.

For those three days in which God allowed this little dog to come into our lives I fell in love with the man my daughter is going to marry, and I fell in love with the father of my new grandson.

That’s it for now…

Love to you all,

Diana

February 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #45

2009-02-13T13:44:00.000-08:00

Get well wishes to Barbara, a friend at church who unexpectedly had emergency appendectomy surgery Monday night.

By the way, Barbara was given ‘Suite 431’ at Holy Cross Hospital… if you remember, that was the room that I spent a good part of December in. So if you happen to be in the position of needing hospitalization at Holy Cross just remember to request the best room in the house, Suite 431!

Life continues to change at an unbelievable pace! Thru it all I continue to fall back on the fact that my Lord remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. He’s always by my side; all I need to do is to speak His name to know that He is there.

Although I knew that I shouldn’t have, I had decided to go to church on Sunday.

I wasn’t feeling well but a friend was announcing his engagement while at the same time introducing his fiancée to our church family… it was a surprise to everyone as he had kept their courtship a secret. His fiancée and I were to meet up before church so that she wouldn’t be sitting alone before the big surprise. How could I help but be there to help celebrate, I had no other choice, I had to be there!

Congratulations Jerry and Angela!

Immediately following church we had a delicious lunch which was an informational kick-off for our building fund. Our church family never ceases to amaze me with the talent that lies therein… Tom you did an incredible job of preparing lunch for the approximate 100 who had said they would be in attendance.

It was immediately after the church service that I knew I wasn’t doing too well. I had made those around me promise not to tell Jeralynn how I was feeling at this point. I really wanted to enjoy visiting with others over lunch while at the same time learning about the renovation plans for some of the buildings on the church grounds.

I knew that if Jeralynn had learned of how I was feeling; she would have taken me home and put me to bed. Those who assisted me in being able to stay at church for lunch kept their word and didn’t say a thing to Jeralynn. Thank you to the female members of the Miano family (I think Tony would have assisted had I asked), the Silva’s, and I even think Pastor Enoch passed by… they all kept my secret and I was able to stay until the end.

After being at church for about 4 ½ hours I realized things weren’t going so good. It became apparent to me when I couldn’t take 10 steps without being out of breath and feeling as though I would collapse. I would sit, rest, and catch my breath for awhile and then move on… this continued every several steps until I lost it.

I couldn’t do it any more… I was done, finished… it was over! I think this was the very first time that I have given up. It was so overwhelming to me that I couldn’t even walk out to the car. I knew it was back to the hospital and that was the last place I wanted to be. At that point and time I was certain that it was going to be another two weeks of being in the hospital. (It’s a good thing I wasn’t admitted, where would Barbara have gone ~ hehehe)

Both Stephen and Jeralynn took me to the ER; I was there for several hours, after another round of tests, breathing treatments, intravenous meds, etc… the ER doctor came in and said I want you to start on Xanax and you should see your doctor in the morning.

Huh???? I am certainly not against psych drugs… this may be a shock to some of you (or maybe not) I’m already on anti-anxiety meds. I will get into this in a separate blog as I feel that it’s time this is openly discussed and not something to be ashamed of both in and out of church.

But really, I knew that there was much more to the way I was feeling then just needing to be put on Xanax. I went home and went to bed, Monday morning Jeralynn called and made an appointment for me and then woke me up when it was time to go. I literally crawled out of bed, into my clothes and into her car… off we went.

I still was not doing well… Thank God this doctor (Pulmonologist) and his staff knew me… they immediately recognized that I had greatly deteriorated from the last time I had been in the office just a week before.

The very first thing my doctor told me was NOT to fill the Xanax prescription… the ER doctors aren’t aware of my history and I’m not in need of that particular prescription (not now anyway – hehehe).

The doctor informed me that what happened on Sunday was that the 40mg of Prednisone that I continue to remain on had caused severe muscle weakness… this was the reason I was unable to walk more then a few steps at a time. The more I tried to move, walk, or do anything the more exhausted I became.

I could not breathe as I all my focus and energy was spent trying to get to the car. At this point I felt absolutely helpless and realized I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.

It was then that all I could do was sit there and sob uncontrollably. I asked for those who were still at church to pray with me and they did… as patiently and lovingly as any group of people could have they stayed with me until I was able to get the car. Thank you all so much!

Back to the doctor visit… there were more results for a different test that had been done while at the ER; it showed that I have an electrolyte disorder… this has shown up occasionally on blood work in the past but now I have officially been diagnosed with this new problem.

An electrolyte disorder is an imbalance of certain ionized salts (i.e., bicarbonate, calcium, chloride, magnesium, phosphate, potassium, and sodium) in the blood.

The ones that I have a problem with are potassium and magnesium.

Symptoms associated with Potassium imbalances include:
• weakness
• nausea and/or abdominal pain
• irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia)
• diarrhea
• muscle pain

Symptoms associated with Magnesium imbalances include:
• lethargy
• hypotension (I'm having the opposite problem)
• decreased heart and respiratory rate
• muscle weakness
• diminished tendon reflexes

The doctor also came to the conclusion that the breathing medication I have been using with my nebulizer was no longer working so he has switched me to something different. This new medication seems to be doing a wonderful job; I’ve already seen a drastic improvement in getting a good night sleep.

Bottom line… my health is just a bit worse then it was last week!

The doctor informed me that under no conditions am I allowed to skip Physical Therapy; even if it means rolling out of bed into my wheelchair, into a car, and being wheeled into the office. That’s just about what happened on Tuesday, Jeralynn showed up, rolled me out of bed and into the wheelchair, and then straight into the office we went, I made it!

I learned a great deal at PT on Tuesday!

As of Tuesday I am only to speak when I exhale… try this for yourself... breathe in thru your nose for a count of two seconds and then speak for four seconds as you are breathing out thru your mouth. Even if you don’t finish your sentence, stop talking while you breathe in for another two seconds… continue your sentence only once you are ready to breathe out thru your mouth for another four seconds.

Do I always do this??? Absolutely not! However, I’ve been told that if I want to stay out of the ER then I had better get use to this new normal way of speaking. So… if you are speaking with me and I’m not using this technique then stop me and make me speak slowly with the 2 – 4 second breathing.

Onto how I am able to move around… it’s the same theory. As I take two steps I breathe in thru my nose… the next four steps are spent using the ‘pursed lip’ breathing technique, breathing out thru my mouth. Again, the next two steps are in thru my nose, with the following four steps out thru my mouth.

Do I always do this??? No, but again if I want to stay out of the ER then… blah, blah, blah…

If you are with me while I am walking or doing anything else and I’m not using this technique then stop me and make me do the 2 – 4 breathing technique.

You’ll immediately recognize if I am doing the above mentioned correctly... as Jeralynn has put it, recovery for me resembles that of a stroke victim who is learning to walk and talk again. (Okay, just laugh with me about this… it’s better than crying)

Apparently this will be the new normal for me from now on… I’ll be honest; this is a very tough adjustment.

The other bit of information that I was given at PT is that effective this coming week I am to begin 3 appointments a week with them. This third appointment which is on Fridays will focus on balance therapy… this is supposed to aid with the vertigo I suffer from and with that I won’t be so dependent on my cane / walker.

This now means at least four days of the week are filled with appointments… hurray!

Lisa volunteered to run me around on Thursday; we had to pick Nick up from school, drop him off with Alex, and then head over to PT. I wasn’t feeling great as a migraine had reared its ugly head on Wednesday, while at the same time I was experiencing inflammation and pain in my neck where the metal plates are. If I had my choice I would have stayed home; but the doctor had made it very clear to me that I am not to miss these PT appointments.

By the time I made my way into the office (about 30 minutes from the time we left my house) my blood pressure… it was 170/110. Needless to say most of my time spent at PT was trying to alleviate pressure from my neck, minimize the migraine, and bring my blood pressure down to anything besides what it was.

Jeralynn was picking me up from PT and you will be happy to know that they wouldn’t allow me to walk down to the car and meet her. The ‘good doctor’ (in reality I’m grateful for the ‘good doctor’s my Lord has surrounded me with) made her come up and get me. By the time I was ready to leave my blood pressure had come down to its normal 140/90… yes, I know that’s a bit high and after yesterdays experience I’m sure this means that my BP med’s will soon be changing.

I thought I would add a picture this week to give you some idea of the number of med’s I’m taking… It’s without a doubt that some of the med’s that are necessary to my health, have made me even sicker.

If you would like you can start praying that instead of adding new med's every week that we can start discontinuing them eventually.

In addition you can pray that God will continue to provide financially for my medical costs. Imagine for a moment the cost of refilling these prescriptions month after month.

Regardless, I’m doing much better today… still have a residual headache and some neck pain… However, I am thoroughly enjoying this wonderful cold / wet weather that God has given us for the next several days. Okay, its cold for So Cal… 50’s during the days and 40’s at night.

Well, I think I covered everything… come this Sunday I am going to do everything in my power to make it to church again. With all that I’ve learned this week I have no intention of making another trip to the ER.

PR (Pastor Ron ~ my Pastor) sent out another wonderful letter this week… if you are getting these letters and not reading them then you are missing out on some wonderful insights that God is sharing with him. Anyway, I’m pulling this week’s scripture verses out of his letter.

Romans 8:28
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 16:33
33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

PR ~ thanks for your continued faithfulness to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

To the rest of you, if you would like to meet my church family (all those who I dearly love), and if you would like learn more about the Lord I absolutely worship and adore then please come and visit my church.

Let me know what Sunday you will be there; I would love to see you and have a chance to introduce you to all who love me. I promise there is no obligation by you showing up… you don’t have to stand, you don’t have to sing, you don’t need to speak a word, and you don't have to drop a single penny in the offering bag as it passes by!

Just come and sit with me… it would mean the world to me for you to take two hours (actually 10:30am to 12:00 noon) out of your schedule on any Sunday and see where I worship my Lord!

http://www.granadahillscc.org/

With love to you all,

Diana

February 3, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #44

2009-02-03T01:33:00.000-08:00

Word travels fast… Since I’m too tired to return the calls and answer all the emails I’m sending out this update.

There are many things I am thankful for… one in particular is that my Lord already knows what every day will bring into my life. More importantly He already knows the direction my life will take.

Many days I wish that I had the answers as to what tomorrow will bring… but as each day plays itsef out I understand why God doesn’t allow me to see what the future holds… I just wouldn’t be able to handle all the excitement.

All of you have problems and I don’t mean to make light of anything you all are going thru. It’s just that lately I’ve been wondering why God’s been choosing me to mold, choosing me to change, and choosing me to use.

Remember back when you were in school, the teacher asked for a volunteer… many were raising their hands, pick me, and choose me is shouted out as hands keep shooting upward. The teacher never picked those… he picked the one who sat there thinking that’s okay; I don’t need to be picked today. That’s okay teacher, someone else can have a chance, remember you picked me last week.

Lately it seems as though God has stepped up the intensity and the frequency when it comes to molding, changing, and using me. As my life continues to change at what seems to be a rapid pace my prayer is that you have seen and will continue to see what a mighty and awesome God I serve. I pray that I have provided an example to you as to what living for Christ is and that you have witnessed what having a relationship with Jesus Christ is all about.

Sunday morning Nicholas and I were able to go to church which is something we haven’t done in several months. Praise the Lord for the time we had to worship together with our church family.

After that it was home to eat lunch and rest up for the big game!

About 3:00pm, just as the game started I began to not feel so good. I was having constant, semi-intensive chest pains and by about 4:30pm I realized that the pain just wasn’t going away. This pain was familiar as I remembered it from being in the hospital about six weeks ago. When in the hospital and the pain became this bad they gave me a Tylenol #3 (Tylenol w/ codeine) and the pain would subside to the point of being able to think about something, anything, beside ‘being in pain’.

I had gotten a (just in case) prescription for Tylenol #3 when I had the dental work done and still had some in the house. I took one thinking that in an hour or so I would be back to feeling normal and would call the doctor in the morning. By about 5:00pm I realized wasn’t feeling any better and that I might even be feeling a little worse then I had an hour before.

The real bummer is that the pain bothered me so much that I couldn’t even enjoy the big game.

By about 5:30pm I realized that I needed to call my doctor and he sent me straight to the hospital. I called Jeralynn, but with her being so sick with a head cold she sent Stephen in her place. Let me tell you; I think this man deserves a special reward! It’s not just enough to care for his own wife; but to have to take care of her friend as well… that’s just too much and I don’t think many men would do that… so thank you Stephen.

I got to the hospital, blood was drawn, x-rays taken, and an EKG was done.

There were no televisions where I was in the treatment area; but I could sure hear all the excitement and commotion, screaming and hollering; it sounded more like a Super Bowl Party then a hospital. "The Cardinals won"… "no Steelers won"… "no I think it was the Cardinals"… "no, wait, it’s the Steelers", this was being shouted from every room in the hospital!

Let me tell you hearing all this and not being able to see it in action would have given anyone chest pains; I missed it, I missed the best part! Wouldn’t you know that once I finally got to my own room (private room with a television) and had med’s for the pain, the game was over!

Okay, back to me… they kept me there for a couple more hours just monitoring me and waiting for the blood work. It appears that although the infection is going away; the swelling in my lungs is worsening.

The best way to describe this is to imagine that you have badly damaged your hand. It’s broken and there are open wounds; to keep infection out you will be put on antibiotics. But your hand is swollen to the point of not being able to close it in a fist or open it to a flat position; much of the pain you would feel has come from the swelling and inflammation.

That is how my lungs are right now… the antibiotics (Z-Pack) are taking care of the infection. The steroids are what will hopefully start reducing the swelling as well as the inflammation which are causing the pain in my chest. The more my lungs swell the more they look like over inflated balloons. While swollen my lungs are not able to open and close like healthy lungs do, they stay open while they are swollen; hence the pain.

Monday morning my doctor once again increased the dosage of Prednisone (watch out mood swings) and I will be checking in with him on Friday. If I begin to get worse then I will call him right away to see what the next step should be.

The eye doctor appointment I had for Monday was cancelled as was my PT appointment for Tuesday. I am going to try with everything in me to keep my dental appointment on Wednesday as that is also extremely important to the healing of my lungs (that’s an entirely different story).

If you pray for me then please pray that this ‘episode’ can be taken care of without hospitalization. Also, please pray for Nicholas, he was pretty upset Sunday night trying to understand why grandma is sick.

Before you send emails asking why I am up so late… I’m up taking meds and breathing treatments… right now I’m wide awake and hoping to get back to sleep soon.

Love to you all,

Diana

Psalm 104:33-34
33 I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.

January 30, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #43

2009-01-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

I neglected to recognize another family who has suffered a recent loss. My friend and neighbor Dawn and her family are saying goodbye to her father tomorrow (Saturday). This comes almost 2 years to the day of saying goodbye to her mother.

Although I’m not able to attend the service my thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of the family.

Dawn and Lisa ~ many thanks to the both of you for sharing in my transportation needs this past week!

PT (physical therapy) has been wonderful… I’m now up to exercising 1 hour every Tuesday and Thursday. Now I just need to get the same equipment they have at rehab so that I can continue my workout throughout the week. I believe that I’ve come across a table top version that will allow for the same type of exercise at home… the best part is that it is under $30.00.

Once my lung capacity and strength have increased a bit more then they will order some resistance bands and weights for me to have at home. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks I will be ready to start walking the neighborhood… let me know if you want to take me for a walk.

I had an appointment with my pulmonologist today and he gave me some very good news!

I’m not depressed…

Apparently I’m just sick again with another lung infection! Wow, talk about being ignorant! There is so much for me to learn about this COPD thing. I guess this stuff is a little more serious then I thought. It’s hard for me to get a grip on the fact that one little cough most likely means that I have a new infection.

As I mentioned in the last update, I had been getting up a couple times each night for breathing treatments because I was coughing. I was also finding myself extremely tired and I thought depressed.

If nothing else this rotten disease is certainly playing mind games on me. Being sick again was the last thing on my mind. Even today as I was sitting with Lisa I told her that I am going to make an appointment so that I could start dealing with this depression that I was in. What a shock to find out the only problem is being sick.

While in the office today the doctor informed me that the next time I start coughing I need to call his office right away. He reminded me that there is always a doctor on call 24/7 and if I don’t receive a return call within 10 minutes to call again.

Before 2002 I only went to the doctor if I didn’t feel good… I figured that if I became too sick or if I noticed a change in my body then I would seek the advice of a physician. Going from that to seeing doctors several times a month, and now… needing to call every time I cough… that’s a bit much. Anyway, if you are around me and I cough I guess you should ask me if I’ve called the doctor.

I was given a shot of steroids while in the office, a couple new medications and another week of steroids 40mg / daily and then another week to taper off. After I had returned home the doctor’s office phoned saying that they were calling in yet one more prescription, antibiotics.

Let’s talk about steroids for a moment shall we!

If you have ever had to take those nasty tasting little Prednisone pills then please let me know how you get them down your throat. As for now I take little tiny pieces of bread and wrap each one individually until it’s completely covered… it’s only then that I can swallow them one at a time.

How can these little pills make one feel? As Lisa and I were sitting in the office we starting talking about how steroids can cause one to become agitated. I had never heard of such a thing… then I started to think.

Do you remember back to one of my recent updates where I stated that Stephen and Jeralynn had seen the good, the bad, and the ugly? It was the steroids! You all need to keep this in the back of your mind… if I say something you don’t like then blame it on the steroids!

Okay, in all serious this has been very interesting to learn. It explains to me why so many of you have irritated me without your even knowing it. I mean that with all the love I have… but please, go ahead and continue to irritate me… deep down inside you all mean the world to me! At least now I can know how to react… and if I happen to blurt out “it’s the steroids” you will know why!

Love to you all,

Diana

January 28, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #42

2009-01-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

Before I begin… I want to send my deepest sympathies to my Aunt Shirley (my father’s sister), cousins Ray, Sue & their family, and Norm, Terry & their family for the loss of their son / brother Rick (Ricky ~ Erich).

Rick enjoyed the last few years traveling & living abroad, most recently in Thailand. A little over a week ago the family received word that he had passed away.

Please keep them in your prayers while they are mourning his loss. Additionally, please pray as they are in the process of having his body sent home (New Jersey) and at the same time preparing a memorial service to say their final goodbyes.

As a side note; my son Ricky received his given name (Erich) from our cousin Ricky.

It’s sad. but because we live on separate coasts it's that rare that we have an opportunity to visit or even speak with each other. The last time we were able to visit with Rick was about 6 ½ years ago while on vacation in Florida. This picture was taken during that visit, yes, that is myself along with Rick…

Back to me…the last few days have been a bit difficult…

I’ve needed to get up a few times during each night to do breathing treatments and with that I’ve been extremely tired throughout the day. So much so that I’ve canceled my most recent PT (physical therapy) and doctor visit with my Pulmonologist.

The PT appointments are wonderful, I’ve learned how to breathe so that I’m not always out of breath, (this breathing technique is called pursed lip breathing). http://www.copd-international.com/Library/plb.htm. Additionally, I’ve begun exercising, how wonderful to be able to do this without being out of breath.

As of now I have a PT appointment for Thursday, Pulmonologist appointment for Friday, Monday is an Eye appointment, PT on Tuesday, Dental on Wednesday, PT on Thursday and so on.

By the way, if any of you are willing and able to assist me in getting to/from appointments I would truly be grateful… I’m trying to free Jeralynn up just a bit (and keep Stephen happy). Not only does she check in on me throughout the day and night, drag me around to my appointments, do errands for me, but she also picks Nicholas up from school everyday and takes him to Alex’s house. (Who is Alex? I will tell you in a minute.)

As of right now I am thanking God that my housing problem has been resolved; at least temporarily. I’ve spent much time crying out to God and sharing my desire with Him as wanting to stay in my house. I love where I live; God has blessed me with the most incredible neighbors, I feel at home and really don’t want to move.

My only other choice besides staying where I am right now was to rent a room from someone. I’m not saying that renting a room won’t happen eventually, in fact that just might be exactly what happens over time. If that were to happen then I would need to give up everything I own, the only “things” that I could keep would be whatever I could fit into a bedroom. As I have been mulling over these options the last few weeks I have found myself becoming very depressed at times.

Regardless of what happens in the future, I need to remember that God has and always will have His very best planned for my life. As you have all witnessed, His plans have certainly not been my plans. I may not see it at the time but I need to hold onto the faith I have in Him and not forget that He is the one taking care of me.

So onto the housing resolution… Jennifer (my daughter) is going to move in with me. She won’t be giving me the exact dollar amount that is needed to stay here but Rick has agreed to help out with what we are short on.

I may put a call out to some of you to assist me with a yard sale or two as the summer draws near. I owe a few individuals along with several credit card companies’ money which was accrued during the couple years that I was without income. The majority (about 99%) of this “borrowed” money was used for medical expenses.

The easy way out of this debt would be to claim bankruptcy or to just write them off in any way that I can. However, it is my responsibility to pay back every penny of debt (and interest) that I have incurred both thru credit cards and personally.

I was well aware of what I was doing at the time of using the credit cards and borrowing money. At the time I felt it was my only choice as I needed to continue to see doctors and take the required medications for which I had no insurance.

I had began repaying those I owed money to from the 1st day I received my first disability check at the beginning of 2008 and have continued thru today. My goal for 2009 is to have everyone paid in full, with interest by the end of this year. I will keep you posted!

Now, onto some news that I haven’t had the chance to share with the majority of you…

Jennie and Robert (Nick’s daddy) ended their relationship some time ago…

With that, Jennie had begun dating and found / fell in love with a young man named Alex.

I had not met him until Thanksgiving when I was able to pull off a dinner for six (this was one of those things I wanted to accomplish before going into the hospital). My son Rick and his girlfriend Honey, Jen, Alex, and Nick had all come over for what turned out to be a wonderful time of celebrating Thanksgiving over dinner.

What I didn’t know about Alex before Thanksgiving was that he is legally blind. He can do most everything except drive. He is currently going to school full time and I’ve recently learned that he is pursuing a career in criminal justice.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Day I really hadn’t had an opportunity to get to know Alex much more than that. With me being very tired, ending up in the hospital, and this just being a very busy time of the year, there was not “getting to know you time” available.

The kids came in and out on Christmas Day; I only spent a brief amount of time with each of them. When Jennie and Nick came over I asked Jennie what Alex had given her for Christmas… she reached out her hand and showed me a ring… I asked if she was engaged, yes indeed, that’s what it was, an engagement ring. Wow! I was happy for her as I knew that she longed to get married and now it was happening.

Even in the month since Christmas there just hasn’t been an opportunity for me to get to know Alex. The one thing I have learned is that Alex loves Nick very much and for that I am grateful; additionally, Nick loves to be with Alex. By the way, this is where Jeralynn takes Nick everyday after school, to Alex’s house.

I asked Jennie when they are getting married; she said that they are going to wait until she is finished with school; probably in about a year. Okay, I can handle that… this gives me time to get to know Alex before the wedding. This also allows time for me to lose weight and get my health in order before the big day.

The next day, December 26th, I needed Jen to run an errand for me. She said that she couldn’t; she had an appointment that she couldn’t reschedule. I didn’t think anything of it, just went about my day as usual.

At 2:47pm on December 26th (I will never forget the exact day and time) Jennie called. She says “I have something to tell you” (how many of you have already guessed?). “Mom, I’m sixteen weeks pregnant with a little boy”!

Well, between December 25th and December 26th I felt as though my knees were knocked out from underneath me… I was in shock! After being home from the hospital just a few days these two surprises were the furthest things from my mind; I would have never guessed that 2009 would include having my daughter giving me another grandson.

Yes, it’s true; by mid June I will have two grandsons, only 4 ½ months from now.

Nicholas is very excited as he can’t wait to be a big brother… Alex and Jennie are counting the days… and I’m learning how one grandmother can have enough love for two grandsons instead of one grandson! Anyway, until next time,

Diana

P.S. I received a card from PR today… in it was a beautiful scripture.

Psalm 73:26 God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Amen to that!

January 20, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #41

2009-01-20T17:59:00.000-08:00

I was able to get both root canals done on Wednesday… yeah! I have another appointment with the dentist for February 4th at which time we will begin working on the other teeth. By the way… I hate dental work!

God continues to bless me with the most wonderful doctors. My pulmonologist is a doctor who was assigned to me while in the hospital; so far he seems to be another outstanding doctor.

At the time of being discharged from the hospital he had told me that he wanted to see me every three weeks. While at the appointment on Wednesday he changed his mind and stated that he wants me in his office every two weeks. My next appointment with him will be on January 28th; it will be at this point that some tests will be run and the amount of damage to my lungs should be determined.

The pulmonologist added several new medications which I’m hoping will help. He’s also informed me that I need to keep the room humidity at 50%; this by the way is helping tremendously. It seems as though my daily routine is revolving around breathing treatments, having a good attitude, eating properly, sleeping, medications, pain management, medications, having a good attitude, eating properly, sleeping, breathing treatments, etc.

My attitude has not been the greatest (although today is much better)… I’ve been grumpy and just can’t get comfortable. I want the old me back, the one that was around six months ago; I am having a difficult time adjusting to this “new” normal.

I’m not just physically feeling miserable… there’s one other thing that I’m trying to deal with. I may need to give a thirty day notice to my landlord on February 1st. Just the thought of having to move on top of everything else is sometimes more than I can bear.

I’ve been spending a great amount of time in prayer over this and God has not yet given me an answer. The fact that my Lord has not yet answered me should not come as a surprise to any of you who have kept up with my story. In fact, I know that God is waiting until just the right time to show me what His plan is for my life. Regardless, I feel as though I am in limbo… I’m finding myself extremely irritable and cranky… When I’m able to put those feelings to the side I can clearly see my frustration lies in trying to solve this problem on my own. Once I step back and stop looking at my circumstances I then realize there really is no need to worry; God already knows where I will be living on March 1st and thereafter for that matter. There are a few things that I am considering; a few options that need to play themselves out. Either way, just as soon as God let’s me know what is going on I will share it with you.

Why am I needing to decide whether to move or not? Both Jennie and Ricky have moved out. Rick is no longer sharing the cost of rent / utilities; he is now living with his girlfriend and has responsibilities there. Jennie goes back and forth from living with me and living with her boyfriend, she is no longer contributing financially as much as she once was.

I’m not informing you of my children and their living arrangements flippantly; they know that I don’t approve of their living situations. In fact, according to the Bible, which you all know is how I strive to live my life, they are living in sin. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them; in fact I love them and their boyfriend / girlfriend very much. I see them all on a regular basis, if not everyday. The fact that we no longer live together has nothing to do with what I believe. It’s just that as they have grown up into young adults with their own lives they have moved on.

The one thing that I continue to do is to pray for them every day; just as I do for many of you. More then anything I want them to come to know my Lord Jesus in the same way that I do.

Just because I have asked Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life doesn’t mean that my children have done the same. Additionally, my children are not entitled to a free ticket into heaven just because I am saved.

When my children were growing up I was a very poor example of what a Christian was, let alone a Christian parent. I do blame myself for not providing them with an example to follow and for not raising them in a Christian home.

However, my example, or lack thereof… isn’t an excuse that God will honor on the day that they stand before Him. If that is the excuse you are using then let me tell you that it won’t work for you either. I have been very straight forward with you in providing a way to get to heaven… I’ve explained to you what it takes for one to be certain of going to heaven. If you have been reading my story then you won’t have an excuse on the day you stand before God.

There will come a day when myself, my children, and each of you will stand before God. While before Him, God will either find your name in the Book of Life or He won’t; there won’t be a “maybe” or “but…”. The fact is that you will either be cast into eternal torment in hell or you will be welcomed into heaven.

Where would you go if you were to take your last breath right now?

If, even for one second you hesitated in answering, then please, please let me share God’s love with you. If you have to pause in order to answer that question then I venture to say that you most likely aren’t going to heaven.

There were many years that I considered myself a “Christian”… in the back of my mind I was always guessing that when I died I would go to heaven. I had no inner peace, no assurance of heaven being the place I would go when I died… deep down inside I knew that all I was doing was hoping that I would make it to heaven.

Hell is a very real place, and my guess is that ones memory stays with them in hell… part of the torment for some will be the memory of you reading this. For eternity you will remember being given chance after chance to come to Christ Jesus… you will be begging to go back and receive God’s free gift of salvation.

Salvation has nothing to do with ceremony, rituals, and repetitive prayers, going to confession, or being good. All my Heavenly Father asks of you is that you receive the gift of everlasting life and repent of your sins. Jesus Christ came down to earth and died on the cross for our sins and then rose three days later so that we might be saved, that we might have everlasting life.

Ask Christ to forgive you of your sinful life, beg Him to forgive you. And then turn away from any and all sin in your life. That might mean that you need to move from where you are living, you might need to change jobs, you may need to go thru your home and get rid of everything in it, you might even need to end old friendships and make new ones.

Asking Christ into your life means turning and running just as fast as you can from the sin you are living in… and never going back to it again.

Does that mean Christian’s are perfect… absolutely not! But as Christians’ we daily strive to be Christ-like... Christians strive every morning, before even getting out of bed to ask Christ to guard their hearts and minds. Throughout the day they continue to seek the Lord in every decision; if they have failed they immediately ask for Christ’s’ forgiveness. If your desire is to be like God then you won’t want to be a willing participant in sin; you will want to turn away no matter what the cost. It won’t be easy, but you will yearn for a life that reflects the life of Christ.

If this is not how you are living your life then please take time to ponder what I am saying.

I know that I am going to heaven; I know that the second I take my last breath on earth, my very next breath will be in the presence of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. At that moment and from then on I will spend eternity singing praises to and worshiping my Heavenly Father.

While I was in the hospital there was one day that I specifically recall; it was one of the days that I wasn’t doing very well. I’m not sure how much time went by but I do remember that I was overwhelmed with perfect peace. I was absolutely conscious; this wasn’t a ‘near death experience’, just a beautiful moment between my Lord and me. I felt such warmth, it was as though I was lying in a pool of golden olive oil, and it was so pure. I felt as though I was covered with a blanket of white lilies; they had the aroma of Stargazer Lilies (my favorite flower). As I lay there I no longer had concern for things of this world. I was filled with anticipation as I was waiting for my Heavenly Father to call me home; there was no question in my mind that as I stood before Him I knew He would acknowledge me before His Father in heaven.

The beautiful thing was that I had no regret… that sticks out to me more than anything else. I didn’t regret one thing in my life; I had already asked God to forgive me of my past and He did. Throughout the past four years God and I have worked thru all the wrongs I had done to others, all the hurts I had caused, all the wrongs done to me and all the pain others had brought into my life. I had shared His love, I was obedient with the things He asked of me, I had apologized to those I hurt, and forgiven those who had hurt me. The only one I was to answer to was God and I was ready… I had completed everything that He had asked of me.

It was later that day when I began to feel better and that’s when I realized that God had much more for me to do (continuing to share His love with all of you is part of that). I must admit though, there are many times when I would give anything to have that unforgettable feeling back; even if just for a moment.

Please remember that I love and care for each of you more then you will ever know!

Diana

January 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #40

2009-01-13T14:16:00.000-08:00

It’s been a few months since I have sent out a new update. I’ve received a great number of emails asking about the disease (COPD) and how far it has progressed… My apologies for not returning the phone calls and emails… because I haven’t been able to respond, I thought I would send something out to everyone.

Since so many of you enjoy looking things up on the internet I will supply you with as many details as I can.

Many of you have sent cards, called, emailed, stopped by, and inquired as to how I am doing… thank you for your wonderful thoughts and prayers.

Before I go on I must tell you that Jeralynn and Stephen have been a life line for me… she comes in and checks on me several times throughout the day and night. As for Stephen, if I need anything all I have to do is call. Unfortunately for them they have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly… and yet they still hang around… that’s what you call true friends. Thank you Stephen and Jeralynn!

How am I doing right now? I’m doing my very best to stay out of the hospital… although a couple times this past week I have been very close to returning.

In an attempt at keeping me out of the hospital my pulmonologist started me on an additional round of steroids (predisone, 40mg per day) and a new antibiotic (this is the 2nd round of antibiotics that I’ve been on since coming home from the hospital). Between the breathing treatments (nebulizer) using a bronchodilator (albutural), an inhaler (advair 500/50), oxygen, cool mist & hot steam treatments I seem to be okay most of the time. It’s only when I get up and start doing anything that requires effort that it begins to be difficult to breath.

I’m certainly learning a new normal for my life, the biggest and most difficult change for me was cutting back on the time that I normally spend with Nicholas. Now I only get to see Nicholas a couple times a week, and then it’s only for an hour or two. Nicholas was the one thing that I told God that I would never give up. Yet, He allowed me to be put in such a position that I had no other choice.

My life is continuing to twist and turn in ways I never thought it would at this point. As for right now I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz… I’m waiting to see where this tornado that I seem to be caught up in is going to land and how different everything will be once the dust clears. For several reasons, I can’t go into details at this time, but if you pray for me then please start praying that God will pour out His wisdom on me. Please don’t ask for details; I will send out another email once I’m able to share.

Back to what COPD is all about…to be blunt, this most probably will be what will end my life. What I didn’t realize when I was in the hospital was that there were a few days that they weren’t sure if I was going to make it or not. Since God decided that He wasn’t finished with me yet, I did make it and now the battle is on. This disease and I are going to battle it out to the finish and depending on what God’s plan is for my life I’m hoping that will be at least a few more years.

COPD is primarily caused by smoking! If you smoke then please stop!

I quit smoking years ago… I only smoked for a couple years and only about 1 pack a week… regardless, look at the toll it took on my health. With as little as I smoked the doctors are mystified at the fact that I have such a progressed case of COPD.

What I have found out is that the negative effects of smoking don’t begin to occur until 20 – 40 years after one smokes their first cigarette. The doctors also informed me that in my case the Los Angeles smog and the Southern California wild fires have both aided in the progression of this disease.

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) obstructs airflow from the lungs which is better known as chronic bronchitis or emphysema. Here are the differences:

Chronic Bronchitis – chronic coughing, production of sputum, wheezing, shortness of breath, frequent lung infections.

Emphysema – difficulty breathing, cough, weight loss, rapid breathing.

The type of COPD that I have is chronic bronchitis; in addition I also have chronic asthma which combined causes its own set of complications.

It’s a slowly progressive disease in which one will continue to loose lung function. There is no cure for COPD and it ranks fourth place as a leading cause of death both in the United States and worldwide. The medication and treatments are solely used to provide relief of the symptoms and improve the quality of life.

When I was admitted to the hospital I had what is called an exacerbation; this simply meant that I was having a flare-up of the disease. Because I unknowingly allowed the disease to turn into an exacerbation irreversible damage was done to my lungs.

I’m not sure to what extent the damage is, I’m hoping to find out more on Wednesday when I see my doctor. Regardless, the recovery time is going to be very long.

Why did I wait so long to go to the doctor…? I thought I was just lazy! I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth. I kept thinking that I need to be doing more, I need to stop sleeping so much, and I need to push myself. The truth was that if I had not gone to the hospital that night I was told that I most likely wouldn’t have awoken the next morning.

I was told that had I gone to the doctor in late October I would have probably still been admitted to the hospital but it would have only been for a couple days.

There are so many side effects to these med’s… the biggest problem is the fact that I am diabetic. Steroids increase ones blood level in an unbelievable way. When in the hospital they struggled to keep my sugars in the 600’s (it should be closer to 100). I’m currently taking a large amount of steroids and I should be monitoring my sugars at least 4 times a day. With insurance the blood monitoring test strips are $1 per strip (you do the math) that’s over $100 per month; it’s just something that I can’t afford right now. I’m in the process of trying to get them directly from the manufacturer (free or close to it) but that takes time. I’m trying with the best of my guess ability to figure out how much insulin to take everyday. Please don’t send me emails telling me how foolish I’m being… I’m very well aware of the chance I’m taking but for now I have no other choice.

There’s more… I’m in need of having eight, yes eight root canals and crowns done in the very near future. Two of which are scheduled for Wednesday, January 14th. These two initial root canals have been changed and postponed for two months, either because I have been too sick or have been in the hospital. As you can imagine I am in desperate need of getting these taken care of… they are really starting to bother me. If you have seen me in the last couple months then you have noticed part of my upper front tooth is gone, this will be taken care of (hopefully) on Wednesday.

I say hopefully because my pulmonologist said that I’m not well enough to go thru this procedure. I’ve been begging him to let me do it… I’m supposed to speak with him today (Tuesday) and he will let me know if I can have the root canal’s done. Apparently, a great number of complications can arise when having dental work done. I’ll let you know in the next update whether I was able to go thru with the procedure or not.

The one thing I want you to know is that my God is still in control and He is still on the throne. He already knows what will happen tomorrow and where I will be a year from now.

For those of you who don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, well, I don’t know how you make it thru the day.

The other things that I am dealing with besides health issues are weighing so much more heavily on my heart. But I can honestly say that I am in perfect peace.

Isaiah 26: 3, 4
3You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
4 Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.

My Lord will keep me in perfect peace because my mind is focused on Him. I will trust in my Lord (Jesus Christ) forever and He will be what I draw my strength from.

Thessalonians 5:17, 18
17 Never stop praying.
18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

God will only allow the very best for my life. At this moment I can’t say that I know what that is, regardless I will continue praying and I will be thankful for where I am at this moment. I can say that with all confidence because I know who I belong to… Jesus Christ.

I’m so thankful for what my Lord has brought me thru over the past few years… having seen how God has always taken care of me, always provided for me, and always had the very best planned for me gives me cause that I don’t need to worry.

Remember, He can do the same for you if you would only let Him.

Much love to you all,

Diana

August 30, 2008 ~ Weekly Update #39

2008-08-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today was a wonderful day… a few of you dropped by and it was fun to spend time visiting!

God is awesome! I was blessed with a profit of over $500; I’m not sure how that happened as my backyard is still full of items; these items will slowly be repacked throughout the week for next time. As a neighborhood there were about 13 families participating… it was so successful that we will be doing this again toward the end of October.

My little Nicholas left Thursday for Mammoth… he has gone with grandpa, grandma, aunts and uncles… He was so excited when getting ready to leave; he is getting to spend more time with his seven week old uncle and five year old aunt. He is going fishing for the first time and if I do say so myself, he was quite adorable as he left with his fishing pole in one hand and tackle box in the other.

The house has been so quiet since Thursday… I have had much time to sit and think about the many things that are going on... As I sat around Thursday night enjoying my first quiet evening in many months my mind began to wonder… then worry and anxiety sat in…

On Tuesday of this past week, my son (Ricky – 22 years old) had a stress test on his heart. When he went in for this I fully expected the test to come back normal, instead we were told that he has a mitral valve prolapse.

Now for many people this is something that will never bother them. There are several reasons why this may be more serious for Rick. My father had this same valve rupture about 10 years ago and at this point it is believed that Rick’s heart problem is hereditary. Additionally Rick is continuing to suffer rather severe chest pains, a continued rapid heart rate, and is extremely tired (all the time).

Rick was supposed to immediately be put on a heart monitor; however, with what I believe was a bit of denial on his part combined with the lack of follow up from the cardiologist staff this didn’t happen. Next week he will have his heart monitored for a period of at least 24 hours and we will hopefully have the results soon thereafter.

At this point we aren’t sure what the treatment will be, the choices are actually quite simple; medication or open heart surgery.

Now, as the mother of what was a relatively healthy young man a few months ago this news has been a bit difficult to deal with.

Some of you may find this hard to believe, but I still trust that my Lord is in control of what is happening. When I wake in the morning the first thing I do is speak with my Lord and spend time in His Word, but at this time I find myself needing more than that. In discussing this with PR (Pastor Ron) he suggested that I set aside several times throughout the day to pray and meditate on the Word of God. In this I can purpose to keep my mind set on Him and not on the worries that seem to be surrounding me at this point. That is exactly what I have started to do… once again I have been filled with the peace and joy that only Christ can give.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have my times of extreme worry and anxiety; especially when he is at my house and I see how tired he is. I now sleep with the phone next to my bed and wake with alarm every time the phone rings.

This is certainly a learning curve for me; I’ve learned to release situations that deal with my health and finances to God. However, releasing situations that concern my children have been a bit more difficult. This is when faith comes in… my God already knows the outcome of this and my worrying about it isn’t going to change a thing.

Philippians 4:6, 7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

With this and just being busy with everything else (like making sure I have insurance) I still haven’t made an appointment with my doctor. I will do that Tuesday; I realized this evening that I’m not doing anyone a favor if I suffer a stroke or pass on myself.

And in closing, please keep the folks in the Gulf of Mexico in your prayers (this includes my parents). It doesn’t appear that Gustav is headed toward my parents but this horrific storm is headed somewhere and wherever that is they certainly need our prayers.

Much love to you all,

Diana

August 8, 2008 ~ Weekly Update #38

2008-08-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

Sit down and take a breath… this is all happening so quickly!

How great is my God!

Just moments ago my mail was delivered… in the mail was my retro check!!!

Remember that I was told this would take 7 – 10 working days. This check arrived in just three short days.

This money is already spent as I owe so much too so many. In fact it will still be some time before everyone (including medical bills) will be paid off.

However, the one thing you must know is that the first of this money will go to my Lord… The reason for my giving to God is certainly not because I have money left over; it is because before anything else this money belongs to God.

Leviticus 27:32
And concerning the tithe of the herd or the flock, of whatever passes under the rod, the tenth one shall be holy to the LORD.

Malachi 3:10
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and try Me now in this,” says the LORD of hosts, “If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it.

The verse in Malachi does not mean that God will fill your bank account to overflowing… there are many ways to be blessed by God.

Whether or not you choose to believe it; I have been blessed in so many ways that there is not enough room for me to receive it all.

God has so filled me with so much joy and peace that everything else is a blessing. It’s hard to put this into words… this is something that one must experience to understand.

I will be receiving approximately $1,330.00 every month for the rest of my life (I am now making to much money to qualify for state or government aid of any kind). If one was to look at the dollar amount in itself one would know that this is certainly not the overwhelming blessing that is mentioned in Malachi 3:10.

However, that is what I have to budget and live on and I am blessed to know that I can count on it every month. The blessing will come when God continues to cover me with His mercy and grace… I already know that every need will be met; maybe not in the way that I think it should be, but as I shared before, it will be met in the way that God has ordained it to be.

For those of you who would say you fall under the umbrella of calling yourselves a Christian then please continue to read on. If you don’t consider yourself a Christian then there is no need to worry yourself with the following.

If you attend a place of worship and you are not tithing then you are losing out. If you are not attending a place of worship then you should be… the Bible calls us to fellowship with other believers. Back to if you are attending without giving… then you are missing out on the joy one receives when giving to our Lord. You are missing out on being a part of what the Lord can do thru your giving both within your church family and your community.

If you are attending GHCC (the church I attend) and you are not tithing then I know you are missing out. (FYI… I have no idea who tithes and who doesn’t at GHCC.) You all have watched my life and how God has and continues to provide for me. You have heard from others in our church who have been blessed by giving to our Lord. Think for just a moment about how much more our Lord could do in our church family and in our community if everyone at GHCC started to give regularly?

You can continue to sit in the bleachers and watch how God blesses me or you can get up to bat and start experiencing how God will bless you.

For those of you who will continue to make the choice of not giving to God then my heart breaks for you… you are sorely missing out on our Saviors blessings.

To all of you, please take a moment to once again give thanks to my Lord for what happened today.

Hugs,

Diana

August 5, 2008 ~ Weekly Update #37

2008-08-05T13:16:00.000-07:00

Great is the Lord and worthy of glory……..

Great is the Lord and worthy of praise…….

Last night shortly after 5:00pm I received a phone call from the office of Social Security. The call was coming in from the supervisor; of the manager; of my case worker.

She had just gotten off the phone with a supervisor at the Federal Reserve. She informed me that my case had been taken out of review and that she would call me Tuesday as soon as she received additional information.

This morning (Tuesday) I received another phone call from her… this time it was to tell me that I will be receiving two checks within the next 7 – 10 days. One check with the correct monthly amount (approximately) $1,340 and the second check being retro pay.

I immediately began praising my Lord for answering this prayer and for providing for me over the last 3 ½ years.

There were many times that God would allow me to fall out of the nest and I would flail about while I was trying to figure out where we would get food to eat or how the rent or utilities would be paid. Sometimes God would let me thrash around for awhile (sometimes days)…

God never went anywhere; I simply elected to try to figure it out on my own; once I released my hold on the situation and gave it back to God I was immediately filled with His peace.

The problems were never solved the way I would have done it; they were solved the way God designed for them to be…

With God being in complete control of my life I am still living in this gorgeous three bedroom home with plenty of food to eat and wanting for nothing.

God provided thru so many of you… the yard sale last year, one couple handed me a check for $1,000; other’s (many of you) loaned me money; others gave me money as much and as often as you could.

Others of you continue to bring food to my home; you have continued to bring things over that can be sold either on eBay or in another yard sale. (By the way we are doing a yard sale at my house on Saturday, August 30th – more details to follow).

Even this week; two different families are separately giving us two bedroom sets; this is something that have been in need of; one for Nicholas and one for my daughter.

Then there were the great folks at Children’s Hunger Fund… saying thank you to them just isn’t enough. There were many days that we would have gone without eating a decent meal if it weren’t for them. http://www.childrenshungerfund.org/

This past Christmas so many of you went above and beyond in being generous; this included our own West Valley Division Police Department. We had more presents under the tree this past year then we have ever had before.

And then there were those of you who simply prayed for me daily… that meant more to me then you will ever know.

So please take a moment out of your busy day and give God thanks for all that He has done and for all that He is continuing to do.

As a side note… for those of you who will… please pray for my son Rick (22 years old)… Rick is finally getting in to see a cardiologist tomorrow (Wednesday) at 4:00pm.

Please pray that God will give his doctor wisdom above and beyond his years and education. That the proper tests will be ordered and the correct diagnosis will be made.

With much praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...

Diana